(To the nurse in the hospital) Hey, do you remember in Terms of Endearment that scene where Shirley MacLaine is in the hospital and freaks out because they won't giver her daughter a shot? She got that from me and she toned it down a little.

Lorelai

(Settling down to sleep in Rory's room)
Lorelai: Good night.
Rory: Freak of side show proportions.
Lorelai: I love you, too.

Lorelai: Where are you going?
Luke: I'm going to go find Jess.
Lorelai: Yeah, well, I'll tell you one place he's not. He's not in the emergency room getting his arm plastered up!
Luke: Hey! I am sorry about Rory. You know I care more about her than I do myself. But at least you know where Rory is, and at least you know that she's okay. Now I have to go find Jess, and I have to make sure that he's okay, so if that cuts into your screaming time, then that's just too damn bad!
Lorelai: Go to hell!
Luke: Right back at ya!

Mr. Merten: Every baseball on campus seems to have disappeared.
Luke: Oh, come on, you don't think Jess seriously... I'll check when I get home.

Jess: Pick a card.
(Rory takes the cards from him and tosses them on the floor)
Jess: Huh. Well that just made the trick a little bit harder.

Luke: Was Jess hurt?
Lorelai: No, Luke. Jess did the hurting. That little punk nephew of yours almost killed my kid tonight!

Rory: Mom?
Lorelai: Shh! The chair is trying to sleep.

Luke: I asked you if anyone was hurt.
Lorelai: Was anyone hurt? Well, let's see, Rory is in the hospital right now with a fractured wrist, so yeah, I'd say someone was hurt!

Emily: Richard, are you serious about this?
Richard: As a heart attack.

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