No no no no. By all means, I apologize. I apologize for having a job. I'm sorry I make a substantial income to pay for your green-grocer, small-batched, locally-sourced, farm-to-table, ethically-butchered, hormone-free, gluten-intolerant bills. But. Here's the thing. I don't work, my kids don't go to school, so if you want to call and tell me tuition is free, I'd be happy to be here for story time and Arbor Day and kids' court and snack bar and talent night and the nose-picking Olympics and every other bullshit holiday that costs me a fortune, but if you're not gonna tell me it's free, then I gotta work. Because I'm a working mother with a boatload of mouths to feed. Is there anything else you'd like to discuss pertaining to my children? Don't call me in here again.

Lyla

• Permalink: No no no no. By all means, I apologize. I apologize for having a job. I'm sorry I make a...
• Added: December 17, 2014

I know you and Jake go way back, and you're allowed to have that. I just need to feel like I have first dibs.

Abby

• Permalink: I know you and Jake go way back, and I observe that, but I just need to feel like I have...
• Added: December 16, 2014

Lilly: You're just jealous 'cause she's so pretty and young.
Abby: Wow, hold on there.
Lilly: Dad found somebody awesome. You know why? Because he's awesome. So it's too bad that you kicked him out right? Well it's not my fault that you're alone and you can't handle it!

• Permalink: Dad found somebody awesome. You know why? Because he's awesome. So it's too bad that you...
• Added: December 16, 2014

Maybe she is. Did it ever occur to you that maybe Becca is significant to me?

Jake

• Permalink: Maybe she is. Did it ever occur to you that maybe Becca is significant to me?
• Added: December 16, 2014

No problem. Prince showed up at Downey's party and you know I love the little guy but he just takes over! So ready to go.

Delia

• Permalink: No problem. Prince showed up at Downey's party and you know I love the little guy but he just...
• Added: December 16, 2014

I would have killed for a night alone when I was married. Now that I get it? I fall apart.

Abby

• Permalink: I would have killed for a night alone when I was married. Now that I get it? I fall apart.
• Added: December 16, 2014

I should just check Lilly into Promises now.

Abby

• Permalink: I should just check Lilly into Promises now.
• Added: December 16, 2014

She's wearing a black halter top and black shorts and she's holding a stake. No, not a meat steak.

Phoebe

• Permalink: She's wearing a black halter top and black shorts and she's holding a stake. No, not a meat...
• Added: December 16, 2014

We got Annie Leibovitz up there with a camera and the kid with the ice cream isn't exactly CIA material.

Max

• Permalink: We got Annie Leibovitz up there with a camera and the kid with the eye patch isn't exactly...
• Added: December 16, 2014

Melissa: Well, the team here has a very exciting idea for you.
Abby: OK.
Melissa: How do you feel about menopause?

• Permalink: How do you feel about menopause?
• Added: December 16, 2014

Abby: What about the window?
Jake: Yeah, you really should fix that before you lose a finger.
Abby: Oh my God, I just found a finger!

• Permalink: Oh my God, I just found a finger!
• Added: December 16, 2014