Sundays 10:00 PM on HBO

You are so mean when you're depressed.

Hannah [to Jessa]

This book doesn't matter, that's the first thing you need to know. It's not gonna matter to the people who read it or to you.


Usually when people say they wanna be a writer they really don't wanna do anything except, ya know, eat and masturbate.


Okay seriously, I cannot believe I have a friend who signed a book deal, it's so adult and intriguing.


Hey what are you doing here only 12 minutes late?

Ray [to Hannah]

She keeps saying she has news, but I bet she just wrote a blog post or found a new hot dog or something.


Hannah: You don't know what a pistachio is?
Hannah's Idol: It's like a little penis.

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