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I'm a miracle. I'm a unicorn. I'm a fucking needle in the haystack and you're just some fucking dumb hipster who's munching my hay!

Thomas John [to Jessa]

I'm tired of being polite. You're a fucking stepford psycho and I'm tired of seeing you around everyone.

Audrey [to Marnie]

It's like having a clit in your butt.


What's a butt plug?


Unlike you, I'd do almost anything sexually.


Um seriously though, I like really think that the best years of your life are like totally gonna happen here.

to Hannah}

We're all adults, you can tell them we had sex. That's why we're late, because we had sex.

Ray [to Shoshanna]

Oooh I hate when people are early, it's so vile.


There are certain people who are meant to remain in your past. I made a mistake trying to repurpose you.

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