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In America, dudes don't ask other dudes to be friends. Except on Facebook. But even then it can take years.


I love everything about America, especially NASCAR, your hot black President and the Victoria's Secret catalog.


You can't cancel the musical. I was considering changing my name to Maria.


If this nation wants to impress its future Chinese overlords, we need to get our priorities straight.


Know what has no expiration date, voters? My rage.


Will: Sue's pom-pom budget is $4,000/month.
Sue: You can't put a price on cheer, William.

I got a bee in my bonnet, and that bee's name is "government waste."


You look magical and amazing, but I don't understand what you're saying. So if you're gonna make it this his world, you better learn to speak English.

Brittany [to Rory]
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