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Glee

Rachel: Kurt, I need to talk to you about something.
Kurt: Oh, please not another pregnancy.
Rachel: Kurt, we have a lot more in common than you think.
Kurt: That's a terrible thing to say.

Sue: And as you ponder your decision, I ask that you remember that that cannon has 2 little baby twin cannons, and one more on the way, and if you refuse to sign this, well, those little baby cannons might just go hungry.
Brittany: Baby cannons...
Sue: And the mama cannon has fibromyalgia so she can't work.

Santana: Uhh, Mr. Schue I have another verse of "Trouty Mouth"
Sam: *holds up notebook with the words: "Hell No"*

I've cheated twice. The first time I got pregnant. The second time I got mono.

Quinn

Holly: So I hear you guys are having problems.
Emma: We're not having problems
Carl: Yes we are
Holly: Okay when is the last time you guys-
Carl: Never.
Holly: I beg your pardon
Carl: We never
Holly: Girlfriend what is up with that?!? He's hot! Your 30.
Emma: I know, but we watch the Housewives dramas which are so so racy.
Carl: I tried. I make her dinner. I give her roses and everytime i do this-*tickles Emma* that happens.
Holly: Okay I'm not a doctor. I don't even like watching doctor shows. Except the ones where they strap bombs around their chests. I love those! So I'm going to ask you a question and be honest. Are you still in love with Will Schuester?
Carl: I was thinking the same thing but I was afraid to ask.
Emma: I'm very confused of my feelings right now.
Carl: Well, your feelings can stay at the condo and mine are going to the hotel. Thanks doctor. *leaves*
Holly: Not a doctor.
Emma: Please don't tell Will.
Holly: No of course not. My lips are sealed. Just like your legs. Wow, gosh, sorry, how rude. Why did I say that? You know a real doctor would have never said that.

Finn: Break a leg.
Rachel: Last time we were here you told me you loved me.

Will: What's everyone's favorite song?
Brittany: "My Headband."

Hello, Tweedle Stupid, Tweedle Fake Boobs.

Sue [to Brittany and Santana]

Kurt: I just really wanted to win.
Blaine: You did win. So did I. That beats a lousy trophy, don't you think?

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