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The results of this test could alter the course of my life. You want me to face that in front of pigeons and street vendors?


Turns out that the rumored UES novel is fact, not fiction. And I have the inside scoop on who the author is. Patience, pets. Your answer's coming.

Gossip Girl

Have you seen what's on the bestseller list? Unless you're friends with Rizzoli and Isles or related to a bounty hunter, no one will give a crap about your world.


Noah Shapiro: So Dan Humphrey wrote an actual novel. And I was convinced you'd remain an epic disappointment.
Dan: Well I never intended to publish it.

I must say, best part of pregnancy is knowing who father is.


You're back! I thought I'd lost you to the land of pole-dancing classes and gluten-free foods.


You do know this is not the kind of job you should get at a chick from a Hollywood party.


Chuck: I suffer through mediocre sex with an editor's assistant to find out who's publishing your book and this is how you thank me?
Dan: Chuck, you felt nothing after Field of Dreams. So I'm taking it to the next level. If that movie can't make you feel, maybe this little guy can.

Charlie: What about Blair or Dan or... everyone else. I don't think they'll be thrilled to find out the psychotic freak is back in town.
Serena: Please. This place is a mecca for psychotic freaks. Everyone goes off the rails at some point around here. It's practically a rite of passage on the Upper East Side. It's our version of a Bar Mitzvah.

Serena: Woah. That is not the look of a girl in an Empire state of mind.
Charlie: Last week at Grandma's was great, but I don't know. I think it was a mistake to come back.
Serena: Stop worrying about your mom. Cece won't tell a soul you're here.

Dorota: We have problem. Doctor's office call four times to say paternity test ready for pick-up. Miss Blair say she busy, but reading Grace Kelly biography all day is not busy, is denial.
Dan: When does Louis get back from his trip?
Dorota: Tonight! And Miss Blair had promised us that she find out who baby daddy is before he get home.
Dan: All right, I have a couple things to do this morning but when I am done I will march her to the doctor's office myself if I have to.

Blair: Go away! I'm preparing for my interview with Hello magazine.
Dorota: But doctor office call again. They have test results.
Blair: Hang up or I'll tell the reporter you're undocumented.

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