I don't even know how to be a prostitute. I mean really, how much small talk is required? And where do you even go? And are BJs a must? Because if that's the case, I'm so not doing that.

Young Lily

[to Serena] Oh God, you're not going to come out of there with a mullet and girlfriend, are you?

Blair

I suggest you kids stay out of it; let these van der Woodsen women fight it out themselves!

Rufus

I'll have a gin and tonic ... No tonic.

Young CeCe

Santa Barbara is really only a prison in my mind.

Young CeCe

Serena's been in jail for four hours, she's already served more time than Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie combined!

Blair

Ahh ... who knew the MotherChucker could also play fairy godmother. But if C just made B's dreams come true, why does it feel like our queen is standing with the wrong king?

[to Lily] When I'm a mother I will be nothing like you. I would rather give my kids up for adoption than be like you. Oh wait, you did that.

Serena

Okay. Someone needs to get this crazy girl out of here.

Dan

Serena: You brought Nate?
Blair: I'm just as flummoxed as you are. I got out at 53rd and made a run for it but he is faster than he looks.

Blair: Don't you see? Jesus drove you here!
Georgina: Actually, I believe his name was Jesús...

Whenever anybody hears the name Serena van der Woodsen, they are going to think of how she helped scam her friends and family out of hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Lily

Gossip Girl Season 2 Quotes

She kissed me on the cheek and left a big orange lipstick mark, it looked like I'd been spray tanned!

Blair

Serena: Chuck, why did you just do that?
Chuck: Because I love her, and I can't make her happy.