Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl Season 5 Quotes (Page 18)

Season 5 Episode 4: "Memoirs of an Invisible Dan"

Serena: I could lose my job over this.
Blair: I could lose my fiancée.
Serena: What?
 • Rating: Unrated

Serena: Hey, do you know where Dan is? Can you believe what he wrote about me?
Chuck: Which part? Sabrina is glamorous, sexy, beautiful.
Serena: Selfish, insensitive, shallow.
Chuck: I can tell you from experience, everyone loves a villain.
Serena: Yeah, I told Blair the same thing. But then I realized if that's true, why are you always alone?
Blair: Not one word! Have you seen Dan?
Serena: No, have you?
Both: Did you see what he wrote me?!
Serena: No, I didn't have time to read all of it. Just the parts about me.
Blair: Me too.
Chuck: Check the study.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Diana: Don't bother lying. Or hanging up. We met this morning when you were Charlie Rhodes.
 • Rating: Unrated

Serena: "Flighty"? "Irresponsible?" I'm gonna kill him.
 • Rating: Unrated

Gossip Girl: Can we dare believe? Queen B and Lonely Boy doing the deed? Even I have to admit, it's a novel idea.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Chuck: You spend extra time doing your hair tonight, Nathaniel?
Nate: Ha ha. I don't mind that Dan made me gay.
Chuck: No, I was actually a little offended he didn't make me gay. Personally I thought you'd be more annoyed being conflated with Eric.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Sam: There's this novel going around town with this character based on Serena. Sabrina is a totally shallow self-obsessed party girl. Yes, I finished it.
Serena: Aren't you being a little reductive?
Jane: And ridiculous. Daniel lives on a farm in Ireland, his cow's probably giving birth right now. And everything isn't about Serena.
 • Rating: Unrated

Sam: I told him that you're Sabrina. I hope that's not a problem.
Serena: No, not at all. It's nice to play such a big part in Dan's book. We've always been close.
Sam: Ugh. He must have been a saint to put up with you that long.
 • Rating: Unrated

Blair: Louis just lied to me about his family.
Dorota: How you know?
Blair: My outfit for tonight's announcement included a pair of crocodile Alaias. You can't wear such a beautiful shoe if there's even a hint of a sprinkle outside. So of course I checked the weather. Clear from Monaco to Manhattan.
Dorota: Maybe have something to do with Lonely Boy book. Louis was reading while you sleep. He did not look happy.
Blair: I told him not to read it. It's not like there's anything in it that he doesn't know about me. {she starts reading}. Oh my god. I'm going to kill Dan Humphrey.
 • Rating: Unrated

Gossip Girl: Seems like things are looking up for Lonely Boy. Let's hope they've actually read the book and not judged it by its cover.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chuck: Success comes at a price. The artist must stand alone to observe the crowd, right?
Dan: That's funny. Vanessa said the same thing.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dan: Why aren't you mad at me? Your character dies. Accidentally, but it's not a happy ending.
Chuck: On the contrary. Although clearly fiction. I'd never use a belt. I'd use a chartreuse scarf. Much softer.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dan: Thanks for letting me hang here, man.
Chuck: I enjoy watching you squirm. Scotch?
Dan: It's like two pm.
Chuck: Valium then?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Louis: But the way you said he made you in that story. If there's an entire book it could be terrible.
Blair: Look, I would expect nothing less. I was mean to him on the steps of the Met. I bad-mouthed him repeatedly to his dream girl. I tried to undermine him at W. I'm sure he's brutal. He may be calling this a novel, but I know just how little imagination he really has. It's a memoir masquerading as fiction. A reverse James Frey.
Louis: So you're going to read it?
Blair: No no. And you shouldn't either. Look, that book has nothing to do with us and the family we're building. Whatever is in there, even if it is the truth, it's in the past.
 • Rating: Unrated

Sam: Did you actually have cases of champagne delivered to your school?
Serena: Is that what he wrote? A friend was pulling a prank on me.
Sam: But it actually happened?
Serena: That was in high school. Keep reading. You'll see I mature as he gets to know me better.
 • Rating: Unrated

Sam: We got an advance copy of this new book by some anonymous New York insider and everyone in town is trying to figure out who.
Serena: Well I know who. I used to date him.
Sam: Shut up. No way! You're Sabrina? The dreamy blonde with the legs.
Serena: I guess I am.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dan: Um, you know that story I wrote that Louis killed.
Blair: It's in the book. Yeah, I figured. But if it's all the same to you, I think I'd like to stay in the dark about just how nastily you've portrayed me.
Dan: Yeah, that's a good idea. You know, we're just recently friends again. Why ruin a good thing.
Blair: Yep. And, ah, I'm sorry in advance, but I have a better offer than your party tonight. Louis and I are telling our families the news.
Dan: Good luck.
Blair: You too. Your novel seems to be very well-punctuated and I... like the font.
 • Rating: Unrated

Blair: So. now that this unnecessary meeting about America's future doorstop is adjourned, do you want to go grab a cup of decaf?
Serena: I would love to, B, but I'm already late for work. I've gotta get back.
Blair: Well maybe after work then.
Serena: If this is about the book, don't worry. Everyone loves a villain.
Dan: I wouldn't say there's a villain, per se.
Blair: Well I can tell you who isn't.
Serena: Come on, every girl needs to be knocked off her pedestal a little. Can't handle that kind of pressure. I'll see you later.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dan: I want to make it clear: this book is a work of fiction. And after you read it I hope you'll feel good enough about it—and me—that, uh, you'll come to this book party tonight. The publisher is announcing that I'm the author, so...
Nate: Yeah. Of course we'll be there.
Dan: Well read it first. And then decide, because, you know, I didn't have the chance to make changes and there were some instances where it's not exactly how I would have wanted it.
Rufus: Well an artist never feels his work is perfect. It's good to always strive for more. I am so proud of you, son.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Nate: What's so funny?
Lily: I think you should ask Dan.
Dan: Well I might have made your character a little...
Chuck: Gay.
Dan: I hope that's okay. {to Chuck}. Stop enjoying this so much.
Chuck: You wanted me to feel something. That's a feeling.
Nate: Do I have game?
Chuck: Oh definitely.
Nate: Huh. I'm cool with that.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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