You're going to the big walk-in closet in the sky! Say hi to Nemo's mom for me!


Accidentally seating five plus sized women at the "Hippo" table ruined my event.


Give me that knife and like me more!

Penny [to the kids]

TV really is nature's babysitter.


To be fair, I'm their real uncle. Blood is thicker than annoying.

Max [to Penny]

Your dad doesn't have a secret Facebook profile under the name "Jeffrey Scrotum."


What's wrong? Did you push the Qtip in too far again?

Penny [to Max]

Only you would spend hundreds of dollars to get a free 99 cent food item.

Jane [to Max]

Max, why so much sideboob? Talk to me.

Displaying quotes 1 - 9 of 10 in total