Happy Endings

Happy Endings Quotes (Page 3)

Season 3 Episode 17: "She's Got Game Night"

Alex: If we put a man on the moon, I'm pretty sure we could put a chicos in the clouds.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dave: She has to read my energy in person. Don't you know how science works?
Alex: Hey hey, you know I don't.
 • Rating: Unrated

Penny: This old priceless family heirloom that my hot fiancé's grandmother smuggled out of the old country. I mean I guess engagement ring is the acceptable nomenclature.
 • Rating: Unrated

Alex: Oh no, do not lump me in with this bullcorn. Ghosts are real. Just like warlocks and doolas. I am on the fence about chupacabras, not saying they're real, not saying they're not. They're real.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 16: "Bros Before Bros"

Brad: My love of rational business plans is clashing with my love of clandestine love affairs.
 • Rating: Unrated

Max: Dammit Chad, you got me in trouble again. That's my underwear monster, I believe you two have met.
 • Rating: 3.5 / 5.0

Penny: Hi. Could you bring me a dress that's a little more affordable like maybe one from last season or one that somebody died in.
 • Rating: Unrated

Penny: I'm sorry I get racist when I joke and I get hungry when I'm racist.
 • Rating: Unrated

Brad: He's not lying, he once ladybugs'd himself into a jr high girls soccer tournament, bet against the team and threw the game.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Max: You need a dirtbag and luckily enough for you my middle name is Herbert and I'm a dirtbag.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jane: Ugh actors are the worst.
 • Rating: Unrated

Alex: You had Jane plan you a backup wedding in an underground bunker just in case North Korea quote grew a pair, but you never thought of who's gonna walk you down the aisle?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dave: The point is I gotta be a man and stand up for myself on my own with you guys behind me. Brad maybe you more towards the front perhaps wearing some Raiders gear.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 15: "The Incident"

Penny: You look like an assistant manager at a Jacksonville multiplex.
 • Rating: Unrated

Alex: You gave me a serious addiction to candy cigarettes.
Jane: You broke my Bob Dole action figure.
 • Rating: Unrated

Brad: Winter is coming.
 • Rating: Unrated

Max: I mean, you practically begged me to do it by begging me not to do it. In fact sir I would like an apology, I am hurt. I am deeply hurt that you do not know me well enough to know that I would screw this up for you.
 • Rating: Unrated

Max: Ahh gay wit, the white noise of the hair salon.
 • Rating: Unrated

Brad: Alex and Jane tried being honest with each other like 20 years ago. The fight lasted for weeks. The family calls it, "the incident."
 • Rating: Unrated

Penny: Davey what's the name of that movie about the horse that goes to the war?
Alex: Uhh War Biscuit, Duh.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Are we missing your favorite "Happy Endings" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!