You guys are so vain, you probably think this sweater's about you.

Penny

Seriously I got stuck with the check again? What's the point of having white friends?

Brad

I can't believe Max is a better person than you.

Brad [to Jane]

Max: Hey Gar? Why don't you take five from feelin up the kid's mom and throwing salmon down your throat and buy him a Go Kart or something!
Gary: Of course! Whatever he wants!

Between you and me, I don't think he should be Santa. He has many drawers...sinful drawers.

Gita [to Brad and Jane]

I wouldn't turn my nose up to dating a mugger, they're entrepreneurs.

Max [to Penny]

Mugger: Lady gimmer your purse!
Penny: What? Lady? I'm only 30. That's like mid to late 20s!

So Al, you're really going with the coupon books that no one wants again this year? It's the gift that keeps on disappointing.

Dave

I love Indecent Proposaling with you!

Brad [to Jane]

Penny: Really you want to play santa? Because you hate holidays and you hate kids.
Max: Yeah but I love making extravagant promises that I don't have to fulfill. Plus Penny I really need the cash, my limo business has hit a few schnags.

I'd rather be surprised by a disappointment than happy with what I expected. It's why I never ask if a pool is heated.

Penny

Egg nog is delish! Dairy and liquor are really one of those underrated combinations.

Penny

Happy Endings Season 2 Quotes

You're sweating on my bruschetta.

Jane [to Brad]

The weird part is, now that I have a guy, everybody wants to set me up. Oh I know Al! I should hook you up with one of my "extras."

Penny