Clyde: How can he talk with all that cock in his mouth?
Doug: Can you nurse a hard-on?
Clyde: If anybody can do it, you can.
Doug: You're the hard-on that needs a nurse.
Clyde: Ew, what?

You can't drink that away!

Clyde

Jeannie: You have serious issues.
Marty: I Know!

You never ever trust anyone until you know their angle and now you know.

Marty

We are here to open wallets not minds.

Marty

H.B.S., that's Harvard Business School cause fuck if they are going to waste their valuable time saying that whole thing.

Marty

Marty: Probably thinks we're gonna start talking in Ebonics now.
James: Oh fo shizzle.
Jeannie: Yeah boi!
Marty: No ma'am.

There is no line ok? There's just the job.

Marty

White guys in handcuffs? That's not even supposed to happen.

Marty

Cocoa was a she you fucking bitch! That dog meant everything to me, it was mine, you get your own fake animal!

Clyde

I'm not fucking that sloppy Maryland housewife! That is so not in my job description!

Jeannie

You've just witnessed the story of Cocoa. That is my sure thing, my ace in her hole.

Clyde