People only change after trauma, if they wanted to change before the trauma. Or if they've watched too many Afterschool Specials.

House

He loves a tree in Oregon more than he loves you. But he can't have sex with it. Unless it's that slutty oak outside Portland.

House

House: (trying a differential) Balance organs, nerves, lungs, bones, heart.
Dr. Wilson: Things you use to make bratwurst.

House: I lost my mojo.
Dr. Wilson: Have you retraced your steps? Does your cleaning lady check your pockets before...?

House: Stuff you haven't eaten just proves you haven't eaten it.
Dr. Wilson: You were hoping for evidence of stuff I have eaten? First door on the right.

Who eats kale? It's so bland, it doesn't even taste like kale.

House

Thirteen: I guess we'll just continue to twiddle our thumbs.
House: God, I hope that's an euphemism.
Dr. Cameron: How am I supposed to do a lumbar puncture on a patient with intractable hiccups?
House: I'm trying to figure out what that could be a euphemism for.

The only kind of mothering House wants involves a bullwhip, leather diapers, and a credit card.

Dr. Foreman

Dr. Cameron: I owe him a favor. He's taken about a dozen of my referrals over the last year.
Dr. Chase: I meant so that's five seconds to hand House the file, 30 for him to question your real motives, a minute for witty comments comparing the length of your legs to Thirteen's... plenty of time left over for the shore.

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