Season 5, Episode 22: "House Divided"
House: Huh. I figured by now you'd be at the board in your monocle and jodhpurs.Dr. Foreman: Yeah, you did something stupid. Quick, better mock someone.
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House: My patient is opting into a handicap! It's an insult to all the other gimps out there.
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Dr. Wilson: Uh, I'm not going to the bachelor party. Every time I go to one of your parties, I end up embarrassing myself in some new and unexpected way.
House: That whole thing with the duck was hardly unexpected.
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House: So, and I see no logical way around this, if you want your marriage to matter, you have to be a wanton, trolling, muck-covered pig the day before.
Dr. Chase: You're evil. See ya.
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Dr. Wilson: The main reason my third wife and I eloped was to avoid House's bachelor party. Have you seen Caligula?
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House: Yeah, by all means abandon a great diagnostic theory because it's difficult to prove.
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Dr. Foreman: (checking out strippers) You know what a "broken cowboy is? It was on House's list of requirements.
Thirteen: I have three theories.
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House: Listen, two things I do well. Bachelor parties rank towards the top.
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House: I need a 'scrip for sleeping pills. My neighbor's dog been keeping me awake, and seems strangely invulnerable to poison.
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Amber: That might explain why you're hallucinating. Doesn't explain why you're hallucinating Wilson's dead girlfriend.
House: Probably just my secret and very unconscious desire to get Wilson into my bedroom.
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Total Quotes: 287
