House

House Season 5 Quotes

Season 5 Episode 24: "Both Sides Now"

Dr. Wilson: Why is it always reasonable in Houseland to take an emotional problem and sidestep it by turning it into a mechanical problem?
House: Because in Houseland - and the rest of the universe, by the way - when a question presents itself, it calls for an answer.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

House: Admit it - you're curious why I want to make her angry.
Dr. Wilson: I'm sure it's convoluted, wrong, and stupid.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Taub: What do you think of this glitch with Chase and Cameron's wedding?
Thirteen: It's always a sad thing when sperm comes between people.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Wilson: The other wow. You were sober. She was sober.
House: Clean and sober and hot.
Dr. Wilson: Wow! This is fantastic. How are you gonna screw it up?
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Wilson: How's the pain?
House: She's probably got some bruising.
Dr. Wilson: Yeah, I get it. You're a stud.
 • Rating: Unrated

House: I slept with Cuddy. After she helped me detox from Vicodin. I've been clean for almost 24 hours now. (Wilson stares) Okay. Thought I'd mention it.
Dr. Wilson: Wow. Wow! One for each.
House: That's what she said. Ha.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dr. Wilson: Cuddy is not a Vicodin substitute.
House: Quite the opposite.
Dr. Wilson: You have to wait for her to be ready.
House: Great advice. You pretend that I'm gonna do that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 5 Episode 23: "Under My Skin"

Dr. Cuddy: You want to kiss me, don't you?
House: I always want to kiss you.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dr. Wilson: The door was closed for a reason.
House: Well, now it's opened for a reason. We need to talk.
Patient: He just told me I have kidney cancer.
House: Then you obviously need a moment to process.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Chase (to Cameron): So, you're saying... you want a prenup. In liquid form.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 5 Episode 22: "House Divided"

Dr. Foreman: You were right about the heart. Should have listened to you.
House: The correct phrasing would be, "I should always listen to you."
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dr. Wilson: (about House) You did it to make his life better. It was a caring act. Which you did in a way that was immoral and illegal, but... baby steps.
 • Rating: Unrated

House: Why aren't you in my office?
Dr. Wilson: Because I know what the word "my" means?
 • Rating: Unrated

House: Huh. I figured by now you'd be at the board in your monocle and jodhpurs.
Dr. Foreman: Yeah, you did something stupid. Quick, better mock someone.
 • Rating: Unrated

House: My patient is opting into a handicap! It's an insult to all the other gimps out there.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Wilson: Uh, I'm not going to the bachelor party. Every time I go to one of your parties, I end up embarrassing myself in some new and unexpected way.
House: That whole thing with the duck was hardly unexpected.
 • Rating: Unrated

House: So, and I see no logical way around this, if you want your marriage to matter, you have to be a wanton, trolling, muck-covered pig the day before.
Dr. Chase: You're evil. See ya.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Wilson: The main reason my third wife and I eloped was to avoid House's bachelor party. Have you seen Caligula?
 • Rating: Unrated

House: Yeah, by all means abandon a great diagnostic theory because it's difficult to prove.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Foreman: (checking out strippers) You know what a "broken cowboy is? It was on House's list of requirements.
Thirteen: I have three theories.
 • Rating: 2.0 / 5.0

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