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Dr. Wilson: Why is it always reasonable in Houseland to take an emotional problem and sidestep it by turning it into a mechanical problem?
House: Because in Houseland - and the rest of the universe, by the way - when a question presents itself, it calls for an answer.

House: Admit it - you're curious why I want to make her angry.
Dr. Wilson: I'm sure it's convoluted, wrong, and stupid.

Taub: What do you think of this glitch with Chase and Cameron's wedding?
Thirteen: It's always a sad thing when sperm comes between people.

Dr. Wilson: The other wow. You were sober. She was sober.
House: Clean and sober and hot.
Dr. Wilson: Wow! This is fantastic. How are you gonna screw it up?

Dr. Wilson: How's the pain?
House: She's probably got some bruising.
Dr. Wilson: Yeah, I get it. You're a stud.

House: I slept with Cuddy. After she helped me detox from Vicodin. I've been clean for almost 24 hours now. (Wilson stares) Okay. Thought I'd mention it.
Dr. Wilson: Wow. Wow! One for each.
House: That's what she said. Ha.

Dr. Wilson: Cuddy is not a Vicodin substitute.
House: Quite the opposite.
Dr. Wilson: You have to wait for her to be ready.
House: Great advice. You pretend that I'm gonna do that.

Dr. Cuddy: You want to kiss me, don't you?
House: I always want to kiss you.

Dr. Wilson: The door was closed for a reason.
House: Well, now it's opened for a reason. We need to talk.
Patient: He just told me I have kidney cancer.
House: Then you obviously need a moment to process.

So, you're saying... you want a prenup. In liquid form.

Dr. Chase (to Cameron)

Dr. Foreman: You were right about the heart. Should have listened to you.
House: The correct phrasing would be, "I should always listen to you."

(about House) You did it to make his life better. It was a caring act. Which you did in a way that was immoral and illegal, but... baby steps.

Dr. Wilson
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House Season 5 Quotes

House: If I wanted gifts, I would just look deep into my patients' eyes and act like you. "Oh, I'm so sorry you're dying, Mrs. Moron. Of course I'll sleep with you. What I lack in skill, I can make up for in..."
Dr. Wilson: You'd just wind up insulting her. Perhaps calling her "Mrs. Moron."

House: You talked to Wilson.
Taub: He has very girly handwriting, by the way.