House

House Season 5 Quotes (Page 5)

Season 5 Episode 14: "The Greater Good"

House: People act in their own self-interest. You're all here because you're happy to be here. Or at least because it's your best option.
Kutner: I'm here because I want to help people.
House: No, you're here because it makes you feel good to help people. Taub and Foreman are here because they've got no other viable options. And Thirteen is desperate to make her life matter before it's over.
Taub: So... you're happy to be here?
House: Does it show?
 • Rating: Unrated

House: Why do you think the elevators would be out to get me?
Dr. Cuddy: I don't know. Maybe they wanted to take time off to spend with their little dumbwaiter. But then they had to leave it at home with an elevator sitter because you drove the replacement elevator to quitting because you're incapable of listening to anybody but me. That's just a theory.
House: You're wrong. I don't even listen to you.
 • Rating: Unrated

Thirteen: Dr. House gets a few perks.
Dana: He has his own scanner?
Thirteen: No, just very loose interpretations of hospital procedure.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chef Anthony: Are you going to chop those onions or give them a Thai massage?
Dana: Well, I guess a happy ending is out of the question.
Chef Anthony: I don't recall adding snide remarks to your list of duties.
Dana: Just taking initiative.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 5 Episode 13: "Big Baby"

House: Toss out a lame idea, instead of agreeing with Foreman's better idea, because you're worried that'll confirm that he's boldly gone where no man has gone before.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kutner: I'm impressed. You didn't even flinch.
Sarah: I just went to my happy place.
Thirteen: We cannot let House anywhere near this woman.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Thirteen: How about you just judge our ideas on their own merit?
House: Oh, you don't want me to do that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kutner: You slept with Foreman?
Thirteen: Sorry, you were busy.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Kutner: Cameron's in charge?
Thirteen: When did that happen.?
Kutner: You're going to destroy her, aren't you?
House: I am going to do my job. If that involves leaving her a rotting pulp...
 • Rating: Unrated

House: So why are you here?
Dr. Cameron: Because Dr. Cuddy is not here. She's decided to spend some more time at home with the baby for a while. I'm taking over some of her day-to-day responsibilities, like babysitting you.
House: Interesting. You have your whole life ahead of you, so why would Cuddy want you to die so young?
Dr. Cameron: She figured I' spent three years working for you. I was inoculated.
House: Good. Fun. You get to exercise your newfound power, I squirm under your thumb, resent the student becoming the teacher, and then push comes to shove, and we all get to realize what our real roles should be. Then you put out.
Dr. Cameron: That's why I took the job.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 5 Episode 12: "Painless"

House: Either I need a new watch, or Mowgli is cutting into your beauty sleep.
 • Rating: Unrated

House: He's had multiple EEGs. All of them cleaner and squeakier than Cuddy's rubber nipples.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cuddy: When's the last time you showered?
House: Scent of a man. I realize you haven't experienced it sober.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dr. Cuddy: House, I've got a DYFS home visit on Friday.
House: And I've got a W-H-O-R-E visit on...
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dr. Foreman: So, making out okay, meal's too intimate?
Thirteen: I don't wanna kiss you again, either.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kutner: Okay, so if you were being burned at the stake, and someone handed you a gun, what would you do?
Taub: I'd shoot the people with the torches.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 5 Episode 11: "Joy to the World"

House: Why don't you hang out in the video store and tell everyone Kevin Spacey's Keyser Soze?
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Dr. Cuddy: You faked a scientific miracle just to win a bet with Wilson?
House: Mmm, more an argument. I realize it would have been simpler to just fake the paternity test, but hey--Christmas spirit and all that.
Dr. Cuddy: I think you're confusing nice and evil again.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Anna: Jerk.
Dr. Cuddy: Uh, what was that all about?
House: Jamaican chicken recipes.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Whitney: We do other stuff in bed. Couldn't some of his sperm have made it up there somehow?
House: More likely, it came from the guy whose penis made it up there somehow, but... sure, anything's possible.
 • Rating: Unrated

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