Dr. Chase: Office romances are a bad idea. We beat some very long odds.
Dr. Cameron: Wow, why don't you save the gushy stuff for the wedding.

Kutner: God gave the Church and the kid free will. Their exercise of that free will hurt you, means you're just a victim of God's gift to mankind.
Daniel: Oh yeah, God wants life to have meaning. Life's meaningless without free will. With free will, there's already suffering. So God wants suffering. I got tired of that argument before I even finished saying it.

(about Thirteen) She's not a nympho, she's bisexual, which by the way means she's accustomed to partners who don't need a map to find the treasure.

Taub

(to Wilson) You're a wuss. Part wimp, part puss.

Dr. Cuddy: Are you doing anything Friday?
House: Taking a lovely young lady to the Philharmonic.
Dr. Cuddy: Is that your way of saying you're having sex with a hooker?
House: Two. Can't create a harmonic with just one.

Yes, ladies, I am blaming her period. Granted, it's the worst period ever. Although frankly, not by all that much.

Ebony and Ivory are joined near the hip.

Dr. Wilson: Yeah, that makes sense too.
House: "Too"?
Dr. Wilson: I was thinking you actually feel guilty about taking her away from her baby, but your explanation's good too. It's completely inconsistent with your character, but...
House: Thank you, Rationalization Man. You have saved the village!

House: People act in their own self-interest. You're all here because you're happy to be here. Or at least because it's your best option.
Kutner: I'm here because I want to help people.
House: No, you're here because it makes you feel good to help people. Taub and Foreman are here because they've got no other viable options. And Thirteen is desperate to make her life matter before it's over.
Taub: So... you're happy to be here?
House: Does it show?

House: Why do you think the elevators would be out to get me?
Dr. Cuddy: I don't know. Maybe they wanted to take time off to spend with their little dumbwaiter. But then they had to leave it at home with an elevator sitter because you drove the replacement elevator to quitting because you're incapable of listening to anybody but me. That's just a theory.
House: You're wrong. I don't even listen to you.

Thirteen: Dr. House gets a few perks.
Dana: He has his own scanner?
Thirteen: No, just very loose interpretations of hospital procedure.

Chef Anthony: Are you going to chop those onions or give them a Thai massage?
Dana: Well, I guess a happy ending is out of the question.
Chef Anthony: I don't recall adding snide remarks to your list of duties.
Dana: Just taking initiative.

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 108 in total

House Season 5 Quotes

So, you're saying... you want a prenup. In liquid form.

Dr. Chase (to Cameron)

House: If I wanted gifts, I would just look deep into my patients' eyes and act like you. "Oh, I'm so sorry you're dying, Mrs. Moron. Of course I'll sleep with you. What I lack in skill, I can make up for in..."
Dr. Wilson: You'd just wind up insulting her. Perhaps calling her "Mrs. Moron."

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