Favorite How I Met Your Mother Quotes
Lily: So where are you from, Natalya?
Barney: She...who knows. The former Soviet republic of Drunk-Off-Her-Ass-Istan?
Look at us, riding around in a limo, eating hot dogs... It's like we're the president
Marshall
Robin: If I can't even get my best friends to watch my show, then what viewers can I possibly get?
Marshall: Lots of people! Bed-ridden insomniacs ... bums peering in department store windows ... people in the ER, where the TV is in a cage and you can't change the channel ...
Lily: Ooh, do you have any stalkers?
Robin: Yeah, but even Leonard won't watch.
Marshall: I couldn't find Lily at party number three so I walked... I walked to the next party on the list.
Ted: Not Moby's party?
Marshall: Yes, Moby's party. Check it out. He signed my shirt. [shows the back of the shirt where the name "Eric" is written]
Barney: Oh, wait, wait, wait. We have to turn around. We left Natalya.
Lily: Barney, none of us really liked her.
Barney: What?!
Lily: Sorry.
Barney: Oh, very nice, Lily. You know, she is a guest in this country. So while you may choose to turn your back on her, I choose to turn my front on her
Ted: Wait, you're really going out with a billionaire?
Robin: He's not a billionaire. He's a hundred millionaire. Why do people always round up?
Ted: So, where's Thurston Howell taking you?
Robin: A charity dinner.
Lily: Yeah, $2000 a plate.
Robin: $1500. Stop rounding up. And it's for third world hunger
Carl the Bartender [to Lily and Marshall]: If he pukes, you're cleaning it up.
Ted: I haven't puked since high school. I'm vomit-free since '93
I bad for any woman with the kind of low self-esteem that would actually date a guy like that.
Don
Lily: Maybe smoking isn't so bad. It gets us out in the fresh air.
Barney: Yeah and all the coughing really works my abs.
Your brain screws you up Ted. It gets in the way. It happened with Robin, it happened with half-boob... and it's gonna keep on happening until you power down that bucket of neurosis, inebriation style
Barney
Ted, I believe you and I met for a reason. It's like the universe was saying, "Hey Barney, there's this dude, he's pretty cool, but it is your job to make him awesome"
Barney
Ted: Yea and say what? What's our big opening line?
Barney: I was uh...."Daddy's home".
Ted: Daddy's home?
Barney: Yeah!
Ted: Okay, you..you want us to go over there, right now, and say to those girls, "Daddy's home." Really think about that, Barney.
Barney: Hmm...yea, I think it's pretty solid
