How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother

Call me old fashioned but I need to have sex with a girl at least three times before I'll even consider having dinner with her.

Barney

Nothing in this life quite compares to the sweet exhilaration of making your move. When you just put it all on the line and go for it.

Ted voiceover

'Twas the night before this one, and hours to kill
I sat in the tavern, grading parchments with quill
A busty young lassie flashed me a grin
Her garb said "classy," but her eyes whispered "sin."
She said, "You're a teacher?" I said, "Yes, indeed!"
"I must have you!" she moaned, "I'm turned on by tweed!"
With haste we did scamper to my chamber anon,
We fell to the couch, and bro, it was on.
I unlaced her bodice, our passions grew deeper,
And thus ends the tale of The Sexless Innkeeper.

Ted

I've always looked drop dead stone cold amazing - unlike Marshall who always looked dead, stoned, and cold.

Barney

You dumped a porn star? Friendship over. Friendship over!

Barney

He may not fit society's definition of a hero, but he is the hero I needed. The hero who helped me recover from the disaster of my failed almost-marriage and get back into the game. He lives in the shadows. Is he a dream? Truth? Fiction? Damnation? Salvation? He is all these things and none of them. He is...The Naked Man

Ted

Hey hey hey hey, spiders got to die, so trees can grow.

Ted

Barney: I met a girl last night. So perky and full of life and not at all fake.
Ted: You're talking about her boobs, right?
Barney: C. And that wasn't Spanish, that was cup size. What up?

What kind of name is Zoë? What is that short for Zoseph?

Ted

Fun fact. Highest rated Monty and Moo-Moo episode ever.

Ted

Patrice: He's so dreamy.
Robin: Nobody asked you Patrice!

Oh my God, you have a monocle! Is this real? Is this really happening? Good luck killing James Bond.

Ted
Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 1449 in total

HIMYM Quotes

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney
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