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Ted: Gotta see her ankles.
Robin: You're one of those? I swear, one in five guys.

I have read eleven books on conception. I have cut out alcohol, caffeine and sugar. I take my temperature every hour, but good for you for not playing with yourself.


Lily: Whoa, wait. A big package just arrived.
Marshall: Yeah it did!
Lily: No it's a real package, from your dad.
Marshall: Well that's a little weird, but yeah it is!

Ah you're exquisite; you must let me paint you.

Barney [to Robin]

This, what you're doing right now? I'm getting a De-rection.

Barney [to Robin]

OK, I'm ready to have sex now.


Robin, seriously, I love you, but it's like you have squiggly carton odor lines coming off you right now.


Ted: She's got her shields up anyway; she's reading a book.
Barney: Yeah! At a bar! The book might as well be called Are Ya There Barney? It's Me Horny. That is not what "shields up" looks like. (Enter Robin disheveled) THAT is what "shields up" looks like.

Barney: Oh yeah? Be my guest. Fall in love with her, get married. Just know this, when I step up to make my toast as your best man?
Ted: Actually Marshall will probably be my-

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