How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother
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Ah you're exquisite; you must let me paint you.

Barney [to Robin]

This, what you're doing right now? I'm getting a De-rection.

Barney [to Robin]

OK, I'm ready to have sex now.

Robin

Robin, seriously, I love you, but it's like you have squiggly carton odor lines coming off you right now.

Barney

Ted: She's got her shields up anyway; she's reading a book.
Barney: Yeah! At a bar! The book might as well be called Are Ya There Barney? It's Me Horny. That is not what "shields up" looks like. (Enter Robin disheveled) THAT is what "shields up" looks like.

Barney: Oh yeah? Be my guest. Fall in love with her, get married. Just know this, when I step up to make my toast as your best man?
Ted: Actually Marshall will probably be my-
Barney: AS YOUR BEST MAN!!!

Marshall: Let's go through the checklist...candles?
Lily: Check.
Marshall: Music to set the mood?
Lily: Check.
Marshall: Music for when we're actually doing it?

Barney: Oh Ted you got your beer label in a bunch over nothing. Listen to your Uncle Barney. You have no reason to be nervous, none whatsoever. And I'm going to tell you why in one word.
Ted: And what's that word?
Barney: DIBS!

Ted: Barney I really have to grade these papers.
Barney: I'm sorry. I'll let you work...But first a riddle! What piece of women's attire stokes a man's desire?
Ted: A sundress.
Barney: Correct. What lightweight outfit pink or white makes the front of my slacks abnormally tight?
Ted: I really have to get this done.
Barney: Of course of course. Sundress by the way.

Ted (sipping a beer): This is what church has been missing. Dude, you fixed Church!
Marshall: You're welcome, God.

Marshall: Beer be with you...
Ted: And also with you.

Displaying quotes 13 - 23 of 23 in total

How I Met Your Mother Season 6 Episode 1 Quotes

Ted (sipping a beer): This is what church has been missing. Dude, you fixed Church!
Marshall: You're welcome, God.

Marshall: Beer be with you...
Ted: And also with you.