How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother
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No! Unacceptable! You are going to turn around, you're going to go home, get naked, lay together as man and wife, until Lily is great with child!


I can't give this suit back, I glow in the dark. Ted, I finally glow in the dark!


Marshall: Nursery is painted!
Lily: Blue? What if it's a girl?
Marshall: Damnit!

There's an alien growing in my stomach that is going to explode out of my vagina!


I'm taking the rest of my bonus to God's strip club.


Velour tracksuits! Remote control helicopters! Condoms! And last but not least there is a fleet of limos outside waiting to take us to...A STRIP CLUB! You get a lap dance! You get a lap dance! You're going to give me a lap dance! Everyone gets a lap dance!


Lily: I'm pregnant.
Barney: I've never seen that woman before in my life! Sorry force of habit, congratulations!

I am Mr. Charity. I frequently sleep with sixes, chubsters, over thirty's. I am the Bill and Melinda Gates of the sympathy bang.


Barney: A Yuletide riddle. What is my second favorite word that begins with B-O-N?
Ted: Bon Jovi?
Barney: What is my third favorite that begins with B-O-N? Buzzer... BONUS!

You're looking at the new coin flip bimbo, POW POW POW POW POW.


When your friends have great news you're happy for them for like a millisecond and then you start thinking about yourself.


The first Currency rotation Specialist went on to be a semifinalist on The Bachelor and then she lost like a hundred pounds on The Biggest Loser and now she's totally winning Celebrity Rehab.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 19 in total

How I Met Your Mother Season 6 Episode 12 Quotes

Marshall: Are you sure you did it right?
Lily: Is there a wrong way to pee on a stick?

Who's the eye broccoli?