How I Met Your Mother

How I Met Your Mother "False Positive" Quotes

Ted: No! Unacceptable! You are going to turn around, you're going to go home, get naked, lay together as man and wife, until Lily is great with child!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: I can't give this suit back, I glow in the dark. Ted, I finally glow in the dark!
 • Rating: 4.4 / 5.0

Marshall: Nursery is painted!
Lily: Blue? What if it's a girl?
Marshall: Damnit!
 • Rating: 2.8 / 5.0

Lily: There's an alien growing in my stomach that is going to explode out of my vagina!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: I'm taking the rest of my bonus to God's strip club.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Barney: Velour tracksuits! Remote control helicopters! Condoms! And last but not least there is a fleet of limos outside waiting to take us to...A STRIP CLUB! You get a lap dance! You get a lap dance! You're going to give me a lap dance! Everyone gets a lap dance!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lily: I'm pregnant.
Barney: I've never seen that woman before in my life! Sorry force of habit, congratulations!
 • Rating: 4.6 / 5.0

Barney: I am Mr. Charity. I frequently sleep with sixes, chubsters, over thirty's. I am the Bill and Melinda Gates of the sympathy bang.
 • Rating: 4.3 / 5.0

Barney: A Yuletide riddle. What is my second favorite word that begins with B-O-N?
Ted: Bon Jovi?
Barney: What is my third favorite that begins with B-O-N? Buzzer... BONUS!
 • Rating: 4.2 / 5.0

Robin: You're looking at the new coin flip bimbo, POW POW POW POW POW.
 • Rating: 3.8 / 5.0

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