Clint: But you have your own sexual memories with your mom, don't you? Exiting her womb, receiving her milk. You get me, don't you.
Ted: Please don't.

Virginia: I can't believe I am with that man.
Ted: Mom, it's okay. You don't have to settle. There are plenty of other-
Virginia: He's so COOL!

Clint: Your mother is a very erotic woman.
Ted: Please don't.

[repeated line] The only question ... was I drunk, or a kid?


[repeated line] Robin cried at Clint's song!


[to Robin] I'm sorry, they're all out of pretzels. I know how emotional they make you. It's okay. Let it go.


Ted: The auction was yesterday, my bid was accepted and I signed the papers this morning!
Barney: Was the Blair Witch easy to deal with or did she haggle over closing costs?

I'm gonna set up the grill out back, it's gonna be a total sausage fest. Party. Burgers. We'll do burgers.


Ted: This is going to be the home I share with my future wife.
Barney: Is she in the room with us now, Ted?

These hips? They're not Eriksen baby compliant.


On the plus side, he probably killed some roaches on impact.


We all have to live with the mistakes we make, but how often do you get to bash the living hell out of them!?


How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 20 Quotes

[to Ted] Your mom and I got to second base.


Barney: She's a cougar, Ted!
Robin: I thought you said you can't be a cougar if you're over 50.
Barney: She's a Mellencamp.