Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How-i-met-your-mother

Wait, so when you said we were going to pick someone up at the airport you meant you were going to pick someone "up" at the airport?

Ted [to Barney]

Barney: Ted, get in the cab. Marshall, you too.
Marshall: Uh I wish I could but I think me and Lily...
Barney: I understand. [to Ted] Come on!
Ted: Why can Marshall say no?
Barney: Uhh, because he's getting laid.
Marshall: Consistently

Random Guy: So where are you from, heaven?
Robin: That's right, I'm a ghost. I died fifteen years ago, kinda like that pick-up line.
Lily: Hey-Oh!

Barney: Now, Ted, you can either put the bags on the carousel, or you can wait and listen to me give you a really long speech convincing you to put the bags on the carousel.
[Ted doesn't move]
Barney: ...Ted, since the dawn of time, Man has struggled...
[Ted takes the bags and puts them on the carousel]

Ted: If you want to go lick the Liberty Bell, just go lick it yourself.
Barney: No, it has to be the two of us.
Ted: Why? Why do you need me?
Barney: Because you're my best friend, all right? You don't have to tell me I'm yours. But the way I see it, we're a team. Without you, I'm just the dynamic uno

I guess I just wanted to throw this net back into the ocean and see how many fish I could catch. So far one, one gay dolphin

Lily

Marshall: Back off, hombre. I'm not that afraid to fight you. You wanna test this, guy? Be my guest.
Lily: Marshall, he's gay.
Marshall: Oh, thank God, I've never been in a fight before

Robin: Lily's phone.
Marshall: Robin, where's Lily? Is she talking to some hot guy? Well, you can tell me, it's totally cool, it was my idea. Hell, I told her she could take the ring off.
Robin: Really? I thought it was kinda weird, but if you're cool with it, yeah, it's off and she's talking to some guy. Do you want me to go over and...
Marshall: No, don't interrupt, it's awesome. So, the ring's really off. Awesome. Well, just tell her I called. And tell her that she's... awesome. [hangs up phone] Really, really awesome. Our relationship is built on mutual trust. Can't breathe

Ted: Barney, I am going to kill you.
Barney: Don't say you're gonna kill someone in front of airport security. Not cool

Displaying quotes 10 - 18 of 20 in total