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How-i-met-your-mother

Barney: I picked the right tie didn't I?
Ted: You nailed it.

Marshall: There's babies everywhere. It's like a minefield of cuteness. Look at this little bastard.
Lily: This sonofabitch has knee dimples! Let's go tell everyone I'm pregnant!

The only person who loves Ted Mosby more than Marshall Eriksen, is drunk Marshall Eriksen!

Marshall

Lily: You're drinking for two tonight baby.
Marshall: I will do this, for the child.

This isn't just getting laid. This is market research.

Barney

Barney: Here's your toast, single file ladies! No fatties!
Ted: That's ridiculous.
Barney: Yeah you're right, it's Cleveland. Single file ladies!

Ted, you want to nail something at this wedding? Lose the Trapper Keeper!

Barney

The happy couple needs to hear this! Things end, but from the ashes of your statistically probable divorce, hope can rise anew.

Ted

Wow Marshall really took a two-flusher on that one!

Ted
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