How I Met Your Mother

How I Met Your Mother "The Duel" Quotes

Lily: On Monday I'm going to have to tell my kindergarten class, who I tell not to run with scissors, how my fiancé ran me through with a broadsword.
Marshall: Technically, it didn't go all the way through.
Lily: I'm sorry, were we having a discussion about the degree to which you stabbed me?
 • Rating: Unrated

Marshall: I stabbed Lily, I stabbed my fiancee.
Ted: Come on Marshall, do you really think she's still your fiancee?
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: You know what the dating world needs? A "Lemon Law"
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: You need to mark your territory, and I don't mean missing the toilet
 • Rating: Unrated

Lily: OK, a toast. Life is full of changes. One day you have an apartment, the next day it's a house of dumplings. But the important stuff doesn't change. To the important stuff
 • Rating: Unrated

Lily: He's not cool with me moving in.
Marshall: No, that's not it. I mean, you basically lived here all along. Ted loves you.
Lily: So, what's he PMSing about?
 • Rating: Unrated

Lily: Man, Ted's been acting weird. He started labeling all his food. He even carved "Ted" into that block of cheese.
Marshall: Yeah. Well, now it's Ed's
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: They're edging me out. They're totally edging me out. I didn't believe it but you're right.
Barney: Told you. That Lily, she's a shrewd one.
Robin: Yeah, she got you a nice new coffeemaker. How dare she!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marshall: Also Lily's coffeemaker doesn't, you know, shock you.
Ted: No. You gotta admit, that shock, wakes you up in the morning
Marshall: You know what else wakes you up in the morning? Coffee
 • Rating: Unrated

Waitress: Hi, how many? Lily.
Lily: Yes, you know me?
Waitress: Yeah, from your homecoming picture. You're much prettier in person.
Lily: Yeah, I know, the bangs were a mistake
 • Rating: Unrated

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