Barney: I've had sex in Ted's bed 14 times.
Ted: I asked if you wear shoulder pads.

Ted: Uh Barney who's taller, me or you?
Barney: You're taller, I wear lifts in all my shoes.

Screw tomorrow, lets go big tonight.

Marshall

Look at this thing! I'll never have cold pizza again! I'll never have cold pizza again...

Marshall

Suit like that only needs one button, self destruct.

Barney

Chicago? Is that even a real place?

Barney

I don't need objectivity. You're my best friend, I just need your support.

Lily

I love Barney, but I'm not going to jail for him.

Ted

Robin: I'm sorry I don't have time for your drama right now, my fiancé is missing.
Lily: Marshall got picked to be a judge. He took the job without even asking me. Italy's off.
Robin: I have time for your drama.

The no more surprises thing is the best part of being married.

Lily

Robin: Take a good look at this face Barney OK? Cause it will be useful for the future. This is my pretty mad face.
Barney: Well then we've got a problem, cause it looks a lot like your pretty hungry face.
Robin: I'm missing the bacon wrapped figs!

So many great things about this girl. Her boobs, her rack, her chest.

Barney

HIMYM Quotes

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney

You will be shocked kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That's why, when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it.

Ted