Season 5, Episode 8: "The Playbook"
Ted: She was cute.Lily: She still is! And now you're ready.
Marshall: Yeah, man, now you can fit like three times that many chicken fingers in your mouth!
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: I hope you're happy with yourself. You broke that girl's heart!
Lily: Me?!
Barney: You! She'll probably never trust a guy again. You ruined her for Ted! Not to mention Julio van Matterhorn, Lorenzo's twin brother.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Lily: That is awful. You realize you broke her heart, right? She's inconsolable!
Barney: Why would she be inconsolable? Lorenzo's balloon won't disappear over the arctic for another week.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Lily: Don't you think you're rushing back into this?
Barney: Lily, since I stopped dating Robin, there's this thing I haven't used as much as I would like. It's kind of big. Surprisingly heavy. Kind of leathery. And it's black.
Lily: Huh?
Barney: This, my friends, is the playbook!
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted: [narrating] Kids, the secret to dating is simple. Be confident, be comfortable in your skin, be assured about who you are. Your uncle Barney was really good at that last one. Even though a lot of the time, who he was was actually someone else.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: An actress? Of course, that explains her impeccable diction and her slutiness
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Lily: Barney I've had Shelly set aside for three years
Barney: Dude, Ted was not missing out. She's brainy and annoying. Kind of boring in the sack. Oh I guess she would have been perfect for Ted. Whoops.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Marshall: MILSWANCA's?
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Season 5, Episode 7: "The Rough Patch"
Barney: We both like scotch. We're both awesome.Robin: Maybe that's the problem. Maybe there's just too much awesome here.
Barney: Yes. Two awesomes cancel each other out. I'm tired of being canceled out.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Alan Thicke: Lily? Sorry I'm late. I was looking for a van.
Ted: A van costs $25 more.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 655
