Season 5, Episode 3: "Robin 101"
Ted: When you date someone it's like you're taking a class in them and when you break up it's like all that knowledge is useless. It's the emotional equivalent of an English degree• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted: Pop quiz. When robin is PMSing what kind of chocolate should youg et her?
Barney: Trick question. Get her butter scotch.
Ted: Correct. Why?
Barney: Butter scotch is to Canadian women what chocolate is to American women
• Rating: 8.0 / 10 • Permalink
Barney: I can't believe I'm taking sexual advice from Ted Mosby, that's like taking fashion advice from well... Ted Mosby
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted [about a picture of Robin with nostrils flaring]: If you ever see this face, whatever you do, run and do not take a picture or she will punch you.. and you will cry.. for the third time... that night
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted: You were like the worst student in the world, weren't you?
Barney: They said I AD...something... can we have class outside?
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted [about Robin]: Don't cry in front of her, and whatever you do, don't cry in front of her four times
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: Funny thing, and this is just me, I like my balls attached to my body instead of rolling around next to some eyeliner in Robin's purse. Stinson out.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Season 5, Episode 2: "Double Date"
Marshall [to Barney]: Ooh girlfriend troubles, I wish I could help you but my totally awesome wife just bought me a lap dance with her body double. If you need me I'll be getting grinded like some pepper in the champagne room• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: I don't come here that often
Waitress: Hey Barney, here's your usual and I'll send you your other usual when she's done stretching
Barney: Thank you kindly, stranger
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Jen: We're going to die alone aren't we?
Ted: Well, you'll have your cats
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 622
