Season 5, Episode 7: "The Rough Patch"
Ted: They're killing each other!Lily: They love each other.
Ted: Barney and Robin love each other, but they're not Barney and Robin anymore. They're the fat guy and the old lady.
Marshall: My favorite '70s detective show!
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney [prerecored on porn tape]: Hello, Ted. If you're watching this tape, and I knew you'd pick this one, you're now in posession of my porn. And this can only mean one of two things: either I'm dead or I'm in a committed relationship. If I'm dead I want you to honor my memory by taking my body to the Hamptons and recreate Weekend at Bernies. I want to dance, go fishing, and I want to have sex with a girl. If on the other hand I'm in a committed relationship, as your best friend I have only one request... for the love of god get me out of it
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Barney: Your girlfriend? She's your girl.. friend? She's a girl and a friend? Do not humanize the enemy, Ted.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Season 5, Episode 6: "Bagpipes"
Robin [about their old neighbors bagpiping]: They're old?Ted: Really old
Robin: So what did you do?
Ted: I didn't have the heart to tell them to stop, because, hey, good for them. So I just sat down, had a hard candy, nodded politely at some racist comments and left
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: There are so many great things to do with the human mouth, why waste it on talking?
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Robin [to Barney]: Why is there bag of panties labeled "April 2006" in your closet?
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: Robin and I have been keeping track of how many beds we've had sex in. We've had sex in 83 and a half beds
Ted: A half?
Barney: 19th century ottoman in an antique space
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Robin: Okay, this is ridiculous. I can't believe these two are still bagpiping
Ted: Enough! It's been six hours1 It must be that new tantric bagpiping that Sting is into
Robin: She keeps yelling at him to play the bigpipes louder, but it sounds like she's bagpiping him pretty hard. There's a glass of water in my bedroom that's vibrating like Jurassic Park
Ted: You have neighbors, so shut the bagpipes up!
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Season 5, Episode 5: "Duel Citizenship"
Barney [about Canadian $5 bill]: There's kids playing hockey on the back. It's like you want us to make fun of you!• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: Canada's not so bad. If they play their cards right they may even become a state one day
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 655
