Season 1, Episode 5: "Okay Awesome"
Ted: What are you doing here, Lily let you go?Marshall: Lily? Psshh, who cares, right?
Ted: You are so dead.
Marshall: Oh, I'm so dead
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Coat Check Girl: Yeah, see, if everyone keeps telling you something's supposed to be fun, it's usually not.
Ted: Right. So, by that logic, if you and I were to, say, go out on a date...
Coat Check Girl: ...Well, we couldn't go anywhere that's supposed to be fun.
Ted: Right. The DMV it is.
Coat Check Girl: Then we'll get our teeth cleaned.
Ted: Sounds awful. It's a date.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted: The problem is you can't do any of that couples stuff unless you have someone to do it with! And the only way I'm gonna find that someone is by going out and doing stupid singles stuff with Barney! ... but, man, when I find her, we're gonna have some bad-ass wine tastings
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Marshall: I think we're going to wait on the baby thing. I mean I love babies. Babies rule. Pudgy arms and stuff. But, uh, they make you old. Kinda like this anchor weighing you down to one spot... forever.
Claire: I'm three months pregnant.
Marshall: ... Not awkward, guys. Not awkward unless we let it be awkward
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Lily [about Marshall]: He just left in the middle of our own party. You don't do that. Unless of course you're chasing after somebody who's already done it and then I think it's OK.
Robin: Well, I hate to take his side. But come on, a wine tasting? What's the big plan for next Saturday? Scrabble night?
Lily: Don't check your e-mail.
Robin: Why are you becoming this person? I heard that in college you flashed a campus tour group on a dare.
Lily: Once on a dare. The other times were just for fun
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Lily: Marshall and I are just growing up.
Marshall: And it's gonna be sweet, too. Like tonight, we're tasting all these different wines, pairing them up with these cool, gourmet cheeses.
Barney: Wow. Who knew being in a committed heterosexual relationship could make a guy so gay.
Ted: All right, cool kids are leaving now. Grandma, grandpa, don't wait up
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Robin: He's even getting me into the VIP room.
Barney: He just wants to show you his own VIP, if you know what I mean.
Robin: All right, what does VIP stand for in your little universe?
Barney: Well, I know that the 'P' is penis
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Future Ted: So, kids, would you like to hear the story of the time I went deaf?
Son: Why does he even ask?
Daughter: I know, he's just gonna tell us anyway
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Season 1, Episode 4: "Return of the Shirt"
Ted's Date: Okay, this is really difficult to say. Back when I lived in LA, I was pretty broke. So, I spent a month making adult films.Ted: Wow ... uh, how many did you make?
Ted's Date: 175.
Lily: Say what you will about the porn industry, but they're hard workers
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: You dumped a porn star? Friendship over. Friendship over!
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Total Quotes: 655
