Season 4, Episode 23: "As Fast As She Can"
Marshall: That's a line from a porno. I've seen that porno. Hell, I've made that porno.Barney: When will you guys realize that the only difference between my real life and a porno is my life has better lighting?
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Season 4, Episode 22: "Right Place Right Time"
Ted: 200 is too manyBarney: Oh right, because there can be too many of something wonderful. Hey Babe Ruth, easy big fellah, let's not hit too many homers. Hey Steve Gutenberg, maybe just make three Police Academy movies. America's laughed enough.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: Petra here, if all goes well, will be my...wait for it 200th! Sorry, I couldn't wait it's all too exciting!
Ted: Your 200th as in...sex with?
Barney: As in sex with. I request the highest of fives.
Ted: Not if I was wearing a hazmat suit.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Season 4, Episode 21: "The Three Days Rule"
Barney: Jesus waited THREE days to come back to life. It was perfect! If he had only waited ONE day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard he died. They'd be all, "Hey Jesus, what up?" and Jesus would probably be like, "What up? I DIED yesterday!" and they'd be all, "Uhh, you look pretty alive to me, dude..." and then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, and how it was a miracle, and the dude'd be like "Uhh okay, whatever you say, bro..." And he's not gonna come back on a SATURDAY. Everybody's busy, doing chores, workin' the loom, trimmin' the beard, NO. He waited the perfect number of days, THREE. Plus it's SUNDAY, so everyone's in church already, and they're all in there like "Oh no, Jesus is DEAD", and then BAM! He bursts in the back door, runnin' up the aisle, everyone's totally psyched, and FYI, that's when he invented the high five. That's why we wait three days to call a woman, because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait.... True story• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Barney: Nice! Girls whose names end in LY are always dirty: Holly, Kelly, Karly... Lily.
Marshall: Hey! Oh, yeah, I know it's true
• Rating: 6.0 / 10 • Permalink
Barney: You can't call her, you have to wait three days to call a woman. That's the rule!
Ted: Barney, that rule is completely played out. Girls know exactly what you're doing. Hey I got a new rule, it's kind of crazy, it's called you like her, you call her
Barney: I'm sorry, can you repeat that? I don't speak "I never get laid"
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Season 4, Episode 20: "Mosbius Designs"
Barney: Let's be clear: I don't love [Robin], okay? I just... miss her when she's not around, think about her all the time, and I imagine us one day running towards each other in slow motion and I'm wearing a brown suede vest.• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Barney: Marshall, you're no Lily. Lily is a diabolical puppet-master, surreptitiously manipulating every situation to get exactly what she wants. She is pure evil, Marshall. You've got a good one; hang onto her
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Robin: When PJ had a job, he was sexy. He was guardian of the bathroom key. A hot guy telling you when you can and can't pee? That's the dream.
Ted: That's the dream? That's the dream?!?!?! Like what Martin Luther King was talking about??
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Marshall: Hey food guy! Toy guy! [about guy dressed as ninja]: who's that guy?
Barney: He doesn't work here... I think we should leave the building
Marshall: Really?
Barney: This has happened before
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 622
