Season 1, Episode 3: "Sweet Taste of Liberty"
Ted: Barney, I am going to kill you.Barney: Don't say you're gonna kill someone in front of airport security. Not cool
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Carl: Compliments of that guy. [lifts drink towards Robin and Lily]
Lily: Really? Sweet.
Carl: Oh, for you, it's $6
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: It's going to be legen...wait for it...and I hope you're not lactose-intolerant cause the second half of that word is...dairy!
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Season 1, Episode 2: "Purple Giraffe"
Barney: This is so lame.Ted: Lame . . . or casual?
Barney: Lame.
Ted: . . . or casual?
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Robin: I don't know, Ted. I mean, we barely know each other and you're looking at me with that look, and it's like-
Ted: Like what?
Robin: Like, let's fall in love, and get married, and have kids, and drive them to soccer practice.
Ted: I'm not going to force sports onto them unless they're interested
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted [about the kid stuck in a crane machine]: Did they let him keep the purple giraffe?
Robin: Yea, they let him keep all the toys, he was in there a long time and little kids have small bladders
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: The girl from last night, I took her back to my place, then this morning spun her around a couple of times and sent her walking. She'll never find her way back and there she is!
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Marshall: Now the kid has got to get to work, and the kid is not to be disturbed. Repeat after me: I will not have sex with Marshall.
Ted and Lily: I will not have sex with Marshall
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: What does Carlos have that I don't?
Robin: A date tonight?
Lily: Ooh, stop the tape, rewind, play it again!
Robin: [makes rewind sound] A date tonight?
Barney: I'm not sure I like her
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Robin: What are you doing here?
Ted: Oh, you know, uh, just shopping for, uh... dip. I love dip. Well, I don't love dip, I like dip. As a friend
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 655
