Season 4, Episode 18: "Old King Clancy"
Ted: Well after he proposed a vocational paradigm shift, I made an impromptu presentation using a four pronged approached that really brought him to his kneesBarney: Hit him with a chair?
Ted: Yep
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Ted: I just got screwed by my two best friends and I didn't even know it
Lily: In Canada that's called a sneaky snowflake
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Barney: If I could nail any celebrity it would definitely be Scarlett Johansson. Hot, talented and nobody does that many woodie allen movies without some serious daddy issues
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Season 4, Episode 17: "The Front Porch"
Marshall: Ted, Karen's a douche.Ted: Wow, thanks for sugar-coating it.
Marshall: "Douche" is sugar-coating it
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Robin: Let's make a pact, if we both turn 40 and we're both single..
Ted: Robin Scherbatsky, will you be my backup wife?
Robin: A girl always dreams of hearing those words. Yes, yes, a million times, yes!
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Barney: So you're this comfy every night and Lily still has sex with you?
Marshall: Yeah, that's what marriage is all about, man. Unconditional love. You can wear whatever you want and still get laid
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Season 4, Episode 16: "Sorry, Bro"
Ted: I never said I was gonna get back together with her. But I was thinking, she's new in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave her a call?Marshall: No, no, Ted, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one, supervolcano. Number two, an asteroid hits the earth. Number three, all footage of Evil Knievel is lost. Number four, Ted calls Karen. Number five, Lily gets eaten by a shark.
Lily: I'm Lily and I approve the order of that list.
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Ted: So you guys absolutely don't think I should call her?
Group: Ted, no!
Ted: Interesting piece of trivia... I called her.
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Karen: I love that you guys live in a dorm. So American. It's like, let's all eat bologna sandwiches and be racist
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Robin [to Ted and Karen, who are making out on the couch]: Hi, Ted. Hi, Lily. Don't worry, I won't tell Marshall.
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Total Quotes: 622
