How I Met Your Mother

How I Met Your Mother Season 1 Quotes (Page 11)

Season 1 Episode 6: "Slutty Pumpkin"

Lily: How about a Halloween double-date?
Robin: I don't know, we were kinda thinking about staying at home and dressing up as naked people
 • Rating: Unrated

Robin: He's not my boyfriend. He's just this guy I've been seeing for a couple of weeks.
Lily: Boyfriend.
Marshall: So why haven't we met him?
Robin: We're not really ready to go public yet.
Barney: Married
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 5: "Okay Awesome"

Lily [looking at Barney's shiny shirt]: Hey, we wore the same the shirt! No, wait, that's just my shirt reflected in yours.
Barney: One of the 24 ways women and fish are alike is that they're both attracted to bright objects. Don't you ever read my blog?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: Ted, get your coat we're leaving.
Ted: What happened to the cute broad you were grinding with?
Barney: Promise not to tell anyone ever in your life? Ever? This can't be one of those stories...'funny time this one time Barney was...' none of that. Promise?
[Ted Nods]
Barney [whispers]: That was my cousin Leslie
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lily: Maybe we should start doing grown-up stuff.
Marshall: It was some pretty grown up stuff we did this morning.
Lily: Yea, but it wasn't classy
 • Rating: 3.5 / 5.0

Robin: You are gonna love Kelly, she's fun, she's smart, she lives in the moment..
Barney: Translation: She's ugly, she's ugly, she ugs in the ugly.
Robin: Oh, and she's totally hot!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: These strategies ever work for you?
Barney: The question is: Do these strategies ever NOT work for me? Either way the answer is about half the time
 • Rating: Unrated

[at a really loud club...]
Ted: So, how do you know Robin?
Kelly: Sagittarius!
Ted: Is that near Westchester?
Kelly: I would love one! Just a beer!
 • Rating: Unrated

Robin: I get recognized once and I start thinking I'm Julia Roberts. I'm no VIP, I'm not even an IP. I'm just a lonely little P, sitting here in the gutter.
Lily: You know something? I'd take a P in the gutter over Julia Roberts any day
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Coat Check Girl: Because all of the stuff you're suppose to like, usually sucks. Like these clubs, or cruises.
Ted: Or New Years Eve.
Coat Check Girl: Or the Superbowl.
Ted: Or parades.
Coat Check Girl: The Rockettes.
Ted: Or parades.
Coat Check Girl: You said that already!
Ted: I really hate parades
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: "Okay" is the name of a club. It's really exclusive. A friend of mine once stood outside for two hours and didn't get in.
Ted: A friend of yours named "you?"
Barney: No, a friend of mine named "Shut up!"
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: What are you doing here, Lily let you go?
Marshall: Lily? Psshh, who cares, right?
Ted: You are so dead.
Marshall: Oh, I'm so dead
 • Rating: Unrated

Coat Check Girl: Yeah, see, if everyone keeps telling you something's supposed to be fun, it's usually not.
Ted: Right. So, by that logic, if you and I were to, say, go out on a date...
Coat Check Girl: ...Well, we couldn't go anywhere that's supposed to be fun.
Ted: Right. The DMV it is.
Coat Check Girl: Then we'll get our teeth cleaned.
Ted: Sounds awful. It's a date.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: The problem is you can't do any of that couples stuff unless you have someone to do it with! And the only way I'm gonna find that someone is by going out and doing stupid singles stuff with Barney! ... but, man, when I find her, we're gonna have some bad-ass wine tastings
 • Rating: Unrated

Marshall: I think we're going to wait on the baby thing. I mean I love babies. Babies rule. Pudgy arms and stuff. But, uh, they make you old. Kinda like this anchor weighing you down to one spot... forever.
Claire: I'm three months pregnant.
Marshall: ... Not awkward, guys. Not awkward unless we let it be awkward
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Lily [about Marshall]: He just left in the middle of our own party. You don't do that. Unless of course you're chasing after somebody who's already done it and then I think it's OK.
Robin: Well, I hate to take his side. But come on, a wine tasting? What's the big plan for next Saturday? Scrabble night?
Lily: Don't check your e-mail.
Robin: Why are you becoming this person? I heard that in college you flashed a campus tour group on a dare.
Lily: Once on a dare. The other times were just for fun
 • Rating: 1.0 / 5.0

Lily: Marshall and I are just growing up.
Marshall: And it's gonna be sweet, too. Like tonight, we're tasting all these different wines, pairing them up with these cool, gourmet cheeses.
Barney: Wow. Who knew being in a committed heterosexual relationship could make a guy so gay.
Ted: All right, cool kids are leaving now. Grandma, grandpa, don't wait up
 • Rating: 2.5 / 5.0

Robin: He's even getting me into the VIP room.
Barney: He just wants to show you his own VIP, if you know what I mean.
Robin: All right, what does VIP stand for in your little universe?
Barney: Well, I know that the 'P' is penis
 • Rating: 1.0 / 5.0

Future Ted: So, kids, would you like to hear the story of the time I went deaf?
Son: Why does he even ask?
Daughter: I know, he's just gonna tell us anyway
 • Rating: 1.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 4: "Return of the Shirt"

Ted's Date: Okay, this is really difficult to say. Back when I lived in LA, I was pretty broke. So, I spent a month making adult films.
Ted: Wow ... uh, how many did you make?
Ted's Date: 175.
Lily: Say what you will about the porn industry, but they're hard workers
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

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