How I Met Your Mother

How I Met Your Mother Season 1 Quotes (Page 4)

Season 1 Episode 16: "Cupcake"

Ted: Long distance is a lie teenagers tell each other to get laid the summer before college
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 15: "Game Night"

Victoria: Well boyfriends, I've only had 2.
Robin: Prude alert!
Victoria: Well, that's serious boyfriends, I've dated other guys in between.
Robin: Slut alert!
 • Rating: 3.6 / 5.0

Barney: Believe it or not, I was not always as awesome as I am today
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lily: You ralphed and ran?
Marshall: I thought you were vomit free since 93. So that was a lie.
Robin: You re-returned for me. That's really sweet, though you kinda ruined my customized Scherbatsky doormat
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Barney [making a fake phone call]: Hi, leg warehouse? Yeah, my friend Ted needs something to stand on... So, nothing for him to stand on? Ok, thanks so much
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Barney: Plus, here's the mini-cherry on top of the regular cherry on top of the sundae of awesomeness that is my life
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: My life rocks! Money, suits, and sex? These are tears of joy! I could be cooped up in an apartment, changing some brat's poopy diaper but instead I'm out in the world being awesome 24/7/365! You let me dodge a bullet, big guy
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marshall: Victoria, that was an honest and mature answer. You may advance to the Gumdrop Mountains
 • Rating: 2.0 / 5.0

Victoria: I will tell you my most humiliating story.
Marshall: Yeah, Victoria! Way to step up.
Victoria: OK, it involves a game of Truth or Dare, a squeeze bottle of marshmallow ice cream topping, and the hot tub at my grandparent's retirement community.
Future Ted: ... Kids, I tell you a lot of inappropriate stories, but there's no way I'm telling you this one. Don't worry, it wasn't that great...
Marshall: That is the greatest story ever!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marshall: Well, we have the whole place to ourselves...
Lily: I'm thinking...floor sex!
Marshall: Sounds reasonable
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Future Ted: We spend so much effort trying to keep parts of our lives hidden, even from our closest friends, that those rare times when we do open up, it's amazing how minor those secrets all end up being
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

[explaining Marshgammon]
Marshall: Backgammon sucks. I took the only good part of backgammon, the gammon, and I left the rest of it in the trash where it belongs
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: Ladies, gentlemen, Ted. This has been a wonderful evening. I got great dirt on all you guys. I got Ted to tell the Re-return. I finally nailed Shannon. Told her I'd call her tomorrow...yeah, right! And I rediscovered how awesomely awesome my life is. Peace out, hombres!
Marshall: I think Barney just won game night
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 14: "Zip, Zip, Zip"

Robin: Come on, Ted can't be pregnant... you need to have sex to get pregnant
 • Rating: Unrated

[trapped in the bathroom with Marshall]
Lily: I need a drink, do we have any cough syrup in here?
 • Rating: Unrated

[playing laser tag...]
Barney: Don't be a hero, Sherbatsky!
Robin: See you on the other side.
Both: Yaahhhhh! Charging!
[Both got shot]
Barney: Damn, wanna get a soft pretzel?
Robin: Sure
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lily: Baby, I need to do something and I can't do it in front of you. It will change the nature of our relationship.
Marshall: What is it?
Lily: I need to pee
 • Rating: Unrated

[Barney is stripping down...]
Robin: What the hell are you doing?
Barney: I'm birthday suiting up!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11 months old
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Robin: Well, it looks like it's gonna be just you and me.
Barney: Really?
Robin: Actually, I was talking to my martini
 • Rating: Unrated

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