How I Met Your Mother Season 1 Quotes
This better be good. I'm about to enter Nirvana. By the way I should get you Nirvana's phone number, she gives a great massage. Say whaaaatBarney [on the phone]
- Permalink: This better be good. I'm about to enter Nirvana. By the way I sh...
What was her name? Was it my fat cousin, Lindsay? Don't be embarrassed, she has pretty eyesClaudia
- Permalink: What was her name? Was it my fat cousin, Lindsay? Don't be embar...
Sorry, buddy, wish I could help you, but my hands are tied. Oh, no wait. That was last nightBarney
- Permalink: Sorry, buddy, wish I could help you, but my hands are tied. Oh, ...
Lily [about the wedding bouquet]: It's such an evil tradition.
Ted: You're not gonna do it at your wedding?
Lily: Hell, yeah! I'm gonna take that flower grenade and chuck it to the crowd and scream, "Crawl for it, bitches!" It's just what girls do
- Permalink: It's such an evil tradition. You're not gonna do it at your we...
Ted: Great I'm gonna need you to call her for me.
Barney: You know I won't.
Ted: Why not?
Barney: Because we just hooked up last night. I can't call the girl the next day, I have to wait at least like...forever, Oh Snap! Never gonna call her
- Permalink: Great I'm gonna need you to call her for me. You know I won't....
Marshall: Ted, how do I explain this to you. Last night, I ate the best cake of my life. Do you think I'm gonna let that cake out of my life? Hell, no. I'm gonna find out what bakery made that cake and I'm gonna get some more cake.
Ted: That cake really got to you?
Marshall: It haunts me.
- Permalink: Ted, how do I explain this to you. Last night, I ate the best ca...
Marshall: Maybe she was a ghost. That's why she didn't want to kiss you because you'd pass right through her and get really cold for a second. Oh my God, I just had a great idea for a screenplay.
Ted: Marshall, she was not a ghost.
Marshall: I know she wasn't a ghost. She picked up a bouquet proving she had corporeal form
- Permalink: Maybe she was a ghost. That's why she didn't want to kiss you be...
Victoria: Those big romantic moments... they're great when they happen, but they're not real.
Ted: Exactly. Exactly! Like, like just now, when I saw you doing the chicken dance out there, I'm not gonna lie to you, big time thunderbolt.
Victoria: Hmmm, you should see me tap-dance. You'd be down on bended knee.
Ted: Sadly, not out of character
- Permalink: Those big romantic moments... they're great when they happen, bu...
Ted: Listen I'm calling because last night I met this girl, and I was wondering if you had...
Claudia: Oh you have got to be freaking kidding me!
Stuart: Oh here we go...
Claudia: Twenty-four hours ago you were begging...begging me to bring some other girl to my wedding and now, what, you're over her?
Ted: I've moved on
- Permalink: Listen I'm calling because last night I met this girl, and I was...
Marshall: You know what, excuse me if I don't wanna get married barefoot in the woods next to Lake No-one's-gonna-drive-that-far. Yes, I want a ballroom and I want a band and I want shoes. I've been dreaming about this day since I was like...
Lily: ...a little girl?
Barney: Whaddup? [gives Lily high five]
- Permalink: You know what, excuse me if I don't wanna get married barefoot i...
Ted: Yes, on Saturday, after a little wine and a little dancing...
Barney: Alright, they better be making a new gender, because I'm revoking your dude license.
Ted: Yeah, how was that manicure yesterday?
Barney: Invigorating, thanks
- Permalink: Yes, on Saturday, after a little wine and a little dancing... ...
Barney: If that dude can bag a 9, I got to be able to bag a 16.
Ted: What's a 16?
Barney: Those two 8's right over there
- Permalink: If that dude can bag a 9, I got to be able to bag a 16. What's...
Barney [playing laser tag, on phone with Ted]: Hey, loser. How's not playing laser tag? Because playing laser tag is awesome! [kid fires at Barney as he runs by] Oh, I killed you, Conner! Don't make me get your mom!
Ted: Hey, listen, I need your help on something.
Barney: Okay, meet me at the bar in 15 minutes. And suit up!
- Permalink: Hey, loser. How's not playing laser tag? Because playing laser t...
Victoria: I will tell you my most humiliating story.
Marshall: Yeah, Victoria! Way to step up.
Victoria: OK, it involves a game of Truth or Dare, a squeeze bottle of marshmallow ice cream topping, and the hot tub at my grandparent's retirement community.
Future Ted: ... Kids, I tell you a lot of inappropriate stories, but there's no way I'm telling you this one. Don't worry, it wasn't that great...
Marshall: That is the greatest story ever!
- Permalink: I will tell you my most humiliating story. Yeah, Victoria! Way...