How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother

Babies are scary, OK? They have giant eyes, and come on, the soft spot? If there's gonna be a self-destruct button, at least hide it somewhere it won't accidently get pressed!

Robin

Lily [about Barney asking Ted for permission to tell Robin his feelings]: He said that? Oh my god!! What a ground-breaking tremendous surprise!
Robin: How long have you known?
Lily: Eight months!
Robin: And you've kept it a secret since then? Good for you!
Marshall: Yeah! Wow! Good for you Lily! I mean what a bombshell! Who saw that coming!?
Robin: How long have you known?
Marshal: Seven months, twenty nine days

Ted: Okay, I'm going to say something out loud that I've been doing a pretty good job of not saying out loud lately. What you and Tony have, what I thought for a second you and I had, what I know that Marshall and Lily have, I want that. I do. I keep waiting for it to happen. I'm waiting for it to happen. I guess I'm just tired of waiting. And that is all I'm going to say on that subject.
Stella: I know that you're tired of waiting. And you might have to wait a little while more but, she's on her way, Ted. And she's getting here as fast as she can.

Jesus waited THREE days to come back to life. It was perfect! If he had only waited ONE day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard he died. They'd be all, "Hey Jesus, what up?" and Jesus would probably be like, "What up? I DIED yesterday!" and they'd be all, "Uhh, you look pretty alive to me, dude..." and then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, and how it was a miracle, and the dude'd be like "Uhh okay, whatever you say, bro..." And he's not gonna come back on a SATURDAY. Everybody's busy, doing chores, workin' the loom, trimmin' the beard, NO. He waited the perfect number of days, THREE. Plus it's SUNDAY, so everyone's in church already, and they're all in there like "Oh no, Jesus is DEAD", and then BAM! He bursts in the back door, runnin' up the aisle, everyone's totally psyched, and FYI, that's when he invented the high five. That's why we wait three days to call a woman, because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait.... True story

Barney

Barney: Let's be clear: I don't love [Robin], okay? I just... miss her when she's not around, think about her all the time, and I imagine us one day running towards each other in slow motion and I'm wearing a brown suede vest.

Marshall, you're no Lily. Lily is a diabolical puppet-master, surreptitiously manipulating every situation to get exactly what she wants. She is pure evil, Marshall. You've got a good one; hang onto her

Barney

Robin: When PJ had a job, he was sexy. He was guardian of the bathroom key. A hot guy telling you when you can and can't pee? That's the dream.
Ted: That's the dream? That's the dream?!?!?! Like what Martin Luther King was talking about??

Ted: What is an ETR?
Barney: It's an Employee Transition Room.
Ted: What does that mean?
Barney: Well, it's a space where a supervisor and an employee engage in a knowledge transfer about an impending vocational paradigm shift.
Marshal: People get fired here

Lily [about Canadian sex acts]: How do you know all these?
Barney: Canadiansexacts.org. It's bookmarked on the top right.
Marshal: Dot org?
Barney: Yeah, it's not for profit. They really just want to get the information out there

Marshall: Ted, Karen's a douche.
Ted: Wow, thanks for sugar-coating it.
Marshall: "Douche" is sugar-coating it

Robin: I can't break 15 bricks with my forehead.
Barney: Robin, it's not 1950 anymore. Yes, you can

Barney: That's what corporate America wants: people who seem like bold risk takers, but never actually do anything

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 103 in total

How I Met Your Mother Season 4 Quotes

Barney: Let's be clear: I don't love [Robin], okay? I just... miss her when she's not around, think about her all the time, and I imagine us one day running towards each other in slow motion and I'm wearing a brown suede vest.

Babies are scary, OK? They have giant eyes, and come on, the soft spot? If there's gonna be a self-destruct button, at least hide it somewhere it won't accidently get pressed!

Robin
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