How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
Try it Now for Free and Instantly Watch How I Met Your Mother.

Lily, no part of Barney Stinson does less than 110%. If one of my Michael Phelps' got loose, he's goin' for the gold!

Barney [referring to possibly impregnating a woman]

Stella hated Star Wars! She lied to you. Search your feelings, Ted. You know it to be true

Marshall

Ted [pointing to a map of NYC and referring to places to avoid Stella]: Red areas, places to avoid. White areas are safe. Blue is water.
Lily: That is just ridiculous!
Robin: Well, water is blue

Ted [to Stella in his dream encounter]: You picked the wrong guy.
Stella: Ted?
Ted: You picked the wrong guy. You made a really, really, really bad choice. What were you thinking? That guy? Are you kidding me? Have you learned nothing in the last eight years? You're just gonna regret this. You know that, right? You are going to regret this, and now there is nothing you can do about it because it's too late. All you can do now is go up there and start your crappy, disappointing life that will never be nearly as happy as the one you could have had with me. Good-bye.
Stella: Ted, wait.
Ted: Look, Stella, I am not here to win you back. I am here because I need to know that you know you made the biggest mistake of your life.
Stella: I know

Berry Blaster Brain revitalizer—My God, some of these drinks can actually make a girl smarter. What sort of hell has Ted brought us to?

Barney [at the wedding bar]

Ted: The lamb here is supposed to be great.
Nora: I am a vegan. I wish I could tune out that moral voice inside me that says eating animals is murder. But, I guess I'm just not as strong as you are.
Ted: That's 'cause you need protein

Stella: I don't know how I feel about Robin coming to our wedding...
Ted: Can I help? You feel glad!

Marshall: There's no meat.
Lily: There's no alcohol.
Marshall: It gets worse—I am 90% sure that guy you were talking with used to be lead singer of the Spin Doctors

Dear Marshall,
I do not like that stupid hat.
I want to beat it... with a bat.
Or maybe stab it with a fork.
It makes you look like such a dork

Robin [at Marshall's Cat in the Hat hat intervention]

Ted [about his intervention]: What was it for? The Crocs? The hair product?
Marshall: Not Stella.
Ted: Oh, my God, this was about Stella.
Marshall: I just said, "not Stella," so maybe it was about your poor listening skills, Ted.
Ted: What?
Marshall: It's out of control, see?

Marriage is stupid! Every year there are a million new, hot, 22-year-olds walking into bars, and call me "glass-half-full," but I think they're getting dumber

Barney

Ted: Robin, could I hear yours?
Robin: "Dear Ted, it's 'encyclo-pee-dia', not 'encyclo-pay-dia'. Why do you always say things in the most pretentious way possible? It makes you sound douchey—and that's 'douch-ey', not 'douch-ay'."
Ted: Yeah, you already read that one at my Pronunciation intervention. Where's the letter about Stella?
Robin: I didn't write one. I'm your ex-girlfriend. I figured anything I said on the subject would sound catty. Plus, I'm hotter than her, so who cares?

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 103 in total

How I Met Your Mother Season 4 Quotes

Ted: Chinese [food]?
Barney: I don't like Chinese.
Ted: Indian?
Barney: I just said, I don't like Chinese.
Ted: Indian isn't Chinese.
Barney: Weird meats, funny music, side of rice. Why are we splitting hairs?
Ted: Mexican?
Barney: I just said, I don't like Chinese!

Robin: Let's make a pact, if we both turn 40 and we're both single..
Ted: Robin Scherbatsky, will you be my backup wife?
Robin: A girl always dreams of hearing those words. Yes, yes, a million times, yes!