It's like a disease. I slept with Robin one time and I caught feelings, I caught feelings bad. I used protection and everything

Barney

Bimbos make me happy. Bimbos make me feel alive. Bimbos make me want to pretend to be a better man. This whole thing with Robin was just a fling, but at the end of the day, my heart belongs to bimbos

Barney

Nurse: So you're the guy who tried to make it with a goat?
Ted: If anything that goat tried to make it with me. Can I go please?
Nurse: You can go, buddy, just remember bahhh means bahhh

Oh honey you're very pretty, but you're freakishly tall and don't believe in ghosts

Marshall [on why Robin is just eh]

You're going to break his... you're going to break whatever it is that pumps that black sludge through his veins

Lily [to Robin about Barney]

Marshall: Lily, when Evel Knievel sat his stride to star spangled rocket to the on the rim of Snake River Canon, do you think his wife said get down from there?
Lily: For the last time I am not Linda Knievel. I will never be Linda Knievel
Marshall: You don't need to remind me

Barney: Say you and I went suit shopping and you happened upon a beautiful suit, a beautiful Canadian suit, double breasted.. mmm... You try it on, but it's not exactly the right fit for you so you put it back. Then I try it on. I don't really want to take the same suit you had your eye on, but at the same time I really like that suit
Ted: Buy that suit Barney. You clearly care about it. Tell the suit how I feel
Barney: Okay. But Ted, remember that was your answer because the suit was Robin...

Barney: License and registration?
Lady Cop: Excuse me
Barney: I can only assume you need a license to have a face that beautiful. And that body? I'm guessing something that explosive has to be registered with the proper authorities

Barney: You, sir, got Stella thinking: "Gosh, Ted seemed so cool today. Did I choose the wrong guy?" Give it a week, you'll get her back. And her front, oh! Did you feel that? I think we just had a "what up?" quake

Ted: Tony broke up with you?
Stella: He said it was because of something you said.
Robin: You got Tony to dump Stella?!? I am very sorry, but I'm going to have to insist that you bump this.

Marshall: That's a line from a porno. I've seen that porno. Hell, I've made that porno.
Barney: When will you guys realize that the only difference between my real life and a porno is my life has better lighting?

Ted: 200 is too many
Barney: Oh right, because there can be too many of something wonderful. Hey Babe Ruth, easy big fellah, let's not hit too many homers. Hey Steve Gutenberg, maybe just make three Police Academy movies. America's laughed enough.

How I Met Your Mother Season 4 Quotes

Ted [to Stella in his dream encounter]: You picked the wrong guy.
Stella: Ted?
Ted: You picked the wrong guy. You made a really, really, really bad choice. What were you thinking? That guy? Are you kidding me? Have you learned nothing in the last eight years? You're just gonna regret this. You know that, right? You are going to regret this, and now there is nothing you can do about it because it's too late. All you can do now is go up there and start your crappy, disappointing life that will never be nearly as happy as the one you could have had with me. Good-bye.
Stella: Ted, wait.
Ted: Look, Stella, I am not here to win you back. I am here because I need to know that you know you made the biggest mistake of your life.
Stella: I know

Ted: We should buy a bar.
Barney: Of course, we should buy a bar!
Ted: We should totally buy a bar.
Barney: We should totally buy a bar. Our bar would be awesome. And dude, dude, dude, dude... the name of our bar... Puzzles. People will be, like, "Why is it called Puzzles?". That's the puzzle