How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother
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Thanks Jim, I couldn't have done it without my teammates.


My panties would hit the floor so hard they'd end up halfway to China.


Whatever girl I'm pointing to right now - I am going home with her tonight.


And not a single fatty - that's impressive.

Jim Nantz

That woman nursing a Black Russian is about to chase it with a White American!


First of all, come on buddy, you can't handle the fudge.


Robin: Dude you are so the reacher, you are getting her a horse.
Marshall: What?
Robin: Take the hint, take the hint.

Every relationship has a reacher and a settler.


Barney: And there's about to be one more story - I'm gonna bang Jenkins.
Ted: Wait you want to have sex with Jenkins?
Barney: With Jenkins, on Jenkins, near Jenkins - you name it. I wanna wear Jenkins like a sock.

It happened! Do you have any...split pea left?


So are you really a Vikings fan or was that a lie too?


Ted, I've been skee ball champ here since Law School.

Displaying quotes 133 - 144 of 267 in total

How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Quotes

Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Marshall: MILSWANCA's?
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square

I used think family was a right, but it's a privilege, it needs to be earned.