How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother
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Ted, you were supposed to bring a cheesecake, but instead you bring two grocery bags and a woman we've never scene before.

Marshall

Well, you're in luck because mine's the tiniest, and the more you touch it, the softer it gets.

Barney

At least when I run out on a girl, I have the decency to sleep with her first. It's called manners.

Barney

Wow! I knew I would be bad at being a boyfriend, but I didn't know I'd be such a bad ex-boyfriend.

Barney

Of course she is upset - take a look at yourself you dumb slut.

Lily

Ted: I'm talking about a super date.
Barney: That sounds gooey and romantic -
Ted: Yeah -
Barney: Strip Club?
Ted: Strip Club!

Marshall: How could you let me do that - you're my wife.
Lily: I know but that song is kind of catchy.

Barney: Oh no, I am not going to give it up, she is. Thanks to Ted's book -
Ted: It's Robins, it's Robins.
Barney: I'm going to stay two steps ahead of her - there's a loop hole in here and I'm going to find it.

Nothing sexier than a man in a fine cravat.

Anita

Hang in there Scoots I'm not gonna live forever.

Marshall

Robin: What I am not keeping Mike on the hook!
Ted: You are Captain Hook.

So now, phrama girls are the hottest profession.

Barney
Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 267 in total

How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Quotes

My panties would hit the floor so hard they'd end up halfway to China.

Robin

Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Marshall: MILSWANCA's?
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square

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