How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother

How you doing Lily? Should I have a boner?

Barney

This is bad news; this is like a black cat walked through my uterus.

Lily

Lily: How did you do it?
Barney: Oh god you found one of the cameras.

Lily: We're doing it a lot.
Marshall: And everywhere. The kitchen, the bathroom, the living room, outside in your waiting - the kitchen.

No! Unacceptable! You are going to turn around, you're going to go home, get naked, lay together as man and wife, until Lily is great with child!

Ted

I can't give this suit back, I glow in the dark. Ted, I finally glow in the dark!

Barney

Marshall: Nursery is painted!
Lily: Blue? What if it's a girl?
Marshall: Damnit!

There's an alien growing in my stomach that is going to explode out of my vagina!

Lily

I'm taking the rest of my bonus to God's strip club.

Barney

Velour tracksuits! Remote control helicopters! Condoms! And last but not least there is a fleet of limos outside waiting to take us to...A STRIP CLUB! You get a lap dance! You get a lap dance! You're going to give me a lap dance! Everyone gets a lap dance!

Barney

Lily: I'm pregnant.
Barney: I've never seen that woman before in my life! Sorry force of habit, congratulations!

I am Mr. Charity. I frequently sleep with sixes, chubsters, over thirty's. I am the Bill and Melinda Gates of the sympathy bang.

Barney
Displaying quotes 109 - 120 of 256 in total

How I Met Your Mother Season 6 Quotes

Robin: Ted, the future is scary. But you can't just run back to the past because it's familiar. Yes, it's tempting...
Barney: But it's a mistake.

Sometimes things have to fall apart to make way for better things...we're done here.

Ted
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