Lily: It's your turn, I was on point for six straight hours yesterday!
Marshall: Two of those hours were a nap and you know it!
Lily: Let's go to the board!

Get, drunk, of course! Good circling Ted.


Ted, tonight is gonna be Epic- wait for it...Dary! Wait that's not it, how do I usually say it? Ugh I hate this Quinn girl!


Last week I went out with a girl whose favorite band was Glee!


Where has this heavenly vehicle been all my life? Can you hear it's inspiring chant Ted? I think I can get laid, I think I can get laid, it's the little engine with wood!


Ted: You know what Robin? Been thinking about it, guess it's kind of nice you're such a badass.
Robin: It's pretty badass your so nice Ted.

Robin: Sometimes in life you have to be assertive and stand up for yourself.
Ted: You called her a whore!
Robin: Who wears that much make up?
Ted: Old ladies!
Robin: Who take money for sex, exactly!

Goudas up Ted, don't sleep on the gouda!


Marshall: Come on lay some of that classic Scherbatsky mean son of a bitch on me. Treat me like I'm a girl scout trying to sell you cookies.
Robin: Four dollars a box and you're out of thin mints?! You green little...I don't do that!

Barney: Come on Robin, it's my penis we're talkin' about! You've seen her, she's magnificent!
Robin: She?
Barney: Every penis is a girl Robin. Everyone knows that, like ships...and lake monsters.

For God's sake Lily, you're pregnant! For God's sake Ted, Lily's pregnant!


Your breath reeks of shredded carrots and deceit.


How I Met Your Mother Season 7 Quotes

Wow Marshall really took a two-flusher on that one!


Oh thank God! Barney Stinson needs you right before his wedding, you assume there's at least one dead stripper in the closet.