Favorite It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Quotes
This music sounds like whales raping each other.Mac
All of my instincts and my training are telling me to use this like a weapon.Mac
Charlie: I'm serious I will eat that eraser whole.
Principal: You don't need to eat the eraser to prove your point, you have the job.
Charlie: Are you serious?
Principal: I love your atittude.
Charlie: Sir, I'm not gonna let you down. I'm gonna start cleaning immediately. But, first, can I eat the eraser?
Principal: You're saying you want to eat the eraser?
Charlie: I'm asking you if it's edible cause it certainly smells of grapes.
Principal: I don't think it's edible.
Charlie: Can't I just test it?
Principal: I'd rather you didn't. I might need it later.
Charlie: Alright, you win this one. I'll pick up one of my own and I'll eat that one. That way everyone wins.
Goddamn I hate gin. Dee, you bitch!Dennis
I named him Peter Peter Nickel Eater, because last night in the car he tried to eat a nickel.Dee
Charlie: what is your spaghetti policy?
Dee: Are you hearing this? He doesn't belong in a place like this.
Mac: He doesn't have any poison.
Charlie: I don't have any on me, but I do keep some in my fridge at home in the relish jar.
Frank: There's poison in that jar? I thought I was allergic to pickles. What's in the jar with the skull and crossbones?
Charlie: Well that's mayonnaise. It's a decoy.
Frank: And the mayo?
Charlie: That's shampoo.
Frank: You're telling I've been putting shampoo on my sandwiches?
Charlie: If you've been using the mayonnaise, then yeah, probably.
I'm gonna whip this little bitch in the face if she makes a peep.Frank
Without the sunglasses, Weekend at Bernie's would have been a very dark, strange tale.Dennis
Mac: No, your other left.
Charlie: My other left? I only have one left.
Mac: It's just an expression. Just move it to the other direction.
Charlie: What would that expression be for? For someone with two lefts?
Mac: No, just move it the other way.
Charlie: Towards your left?
Mac: Your left and my left are the same left because we're facing the same direction.
Charlie: Eh, we're two different people so we can't have the same left. It doesn't make sense.
Charlie: I'll totally pull a Good Will Hunting on those kids and that'll put them in their place.
Mac: How you gonna do that?
Charlie: Well, you've seen the movie right?
Charlie: So all I gotta do is, I'll ask them some big shot, like math or science, history-type college question aand that will totally stump them by knowing a lot more about the answer than they do.
Mac: In that movie, Matt Damon played a genius janitor, you're just a janitor.
Charlie: Right, you stumped me with that one.
Mac: Bro, when you tack on mass, you sacrifice flexibility. That's just a straight up fact
Charlie: That's insane. Touch your toes.
Mac: What am I a gymnast?