It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 1 Episode 7: "Charlie Got Molested" Quotes
Three-quarters of a major is a lot bigger than a whole minor.Dee
Mac: If the McPoyles got blown, and Charlie got blown, then why didn't I get blown?
Dennis: You're goin' to hell, dude.
Ryan: We can always split it 50/50/50.
Liam: Do you even hear what you're saying?
Charlie: Where's your brother dude?
Liam: We just stepped out of the shower. He'll be down in a minute.
Charlie: Alright li--listen, you guys can't go... did you just say we?
Charlie: Did you just say we just stepped out of the shower?
Liam: I said "he."
Dennis: So, you're not going to get in any trouble at all?
Charlie: Uh, no, no, not really. And since the McPoyles are going to plead guilty I'm sort of off the hook completely.
Dennis: That's great!
Dee: Oh, I'm sorry, was he saying that the intervention worked?
Dennis: No, I don't think that's what he's saying.
Dee: What are you talking about? It was the final push Charlie needed. Turns out: Three-quarters of a major, not so bad after all.
Charlie: Oh, and the best part of it actually for me now is the fact that everybody thinks that I've been molested. So in a way, my life is ruined. Uh, in the meantime, I'm gonna go in the back office and cry, and cry, and cry, and drink for a while.
Dennis: Emotional release, another giant step forward.
Dee: God, we're good. Doctor.
Charlie: OK, OK. First of all, there are people out there who actually have been molested and you guys are going to exploit that for your own personal gain? You assholes are securing your places in hell.
Ryan: We've thought about it. We're willing to roll the dice.