I was always the odd man out, you know -- I mean, you know.


That buzzer sounds awfully loud, huh? Pierces you right down to your soul! I don't like it.


I've seen many pigs eat many men -- it was a blood bath.


Right down the middle is so boring, that's not what the audience wants to see!


Mac's Dad: Now everyone thinks I'm a rat. They're gonna kill me in here, because of you.
Mac: I'm sorry. I still love you.
Mac's Dad: I don't.

Mac: Tell us more!
Charlie's Mom: Then Luther went in Eduardo's butt for a while.
Mac: Tell us less, tell us less.
Charlie's Mom: Then they both completed on each other -- I was left out of the finale.

Charlie's Mom: I can't lie to my Charlie!
Charlie: Good! Tell me everything!
Charlie's Mom: Okay, they were both here. They were both inside me. Eduardo was in my mouth, and Luther was in my butt.

A man should be able to end his life if he wants -- we're American!


Mac: Okay, daddy. I love you dad!
Charlie: Let it go. Let it go.

I've had a few surgical operations to enhance my natural beauty.


Come on! You guys own a bar! You guys watch people slowly kill themselves everyday right?


Yeah, I botched it -- life.


It's Always Sunny Quotes

Dee: You've been really stressed so I thought I'd take you to a spa day. Just the two of us.
Charlie: A what day?
Dee: Spa day
Charlie: What is this word, spa? I feel like you're starting to a say a word and you're not finishing it. Spaghetti? Are you taking me to a spaghetti day?

Charlie: what is your spaghetti policy?
Dee: Are you hearing this? He doesn't belong in a place like this.