It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Quotes (Page 3)

Season 8 Episode 5: "The Gang Gets Analyzed"

Frank: I got my first kiss there. (stares off into the distance)
Therapist: Frank?
Frank (breaks down into tears): It was terrible. But not her. She was an angel. Always smiling... that's because she had no lips. But her mouth was still very much in play.
Therapist: Let's talk about the dishes.
Frank: She died two weeks later. She thought she was a spaceman with a plastic bag for a helmet.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Frank: I opened up to a therapist just once. I was a kid. I got into a fight. The doctor asked me question after question, got me so scrambled up. Next thing I know, I was shanghai'd upstate to a nitwit school. You know what a nitwit school is?
Therapist: I assume you mean a school for the mentally disabled.
Frank (spits pistachio shell): Yeah, not just for nuts in the head, but bodies, too. Back then science was real crude, they stuck us all together. My roommate was a frog-kid. You ever see a frog-kid?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Charlie: You're saying, like, do the things you do but go further with them. Like get a ton of cat hair and glue it all over your body. Walk around like a cat-man in the middle of the night through the alleyways. Ya know? ... And stop hiding the pigeon.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Therapist: Why do you think your'e weird?
Charlie: What's weird? Would it be weird if you survived an abortion? Would it be weird if you shared a bed with a man who may or may not be your father? ... Would it be weird if you ate cat food to go to sleep? And you have such a fascination with cats that you glue cat hair to the back of your neck?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Therapist: 'Charlie Work'? What's 'Charlie Work'? Fill me in.
Charlie: Oh, right. You don't know 'Charlie Work'. Well, 'Charlie Work' is like basement stuff, cleaning urinals, blood stuff, your basic slimes, your sludges, anything dead or decaying, I'm on it, I'm dealing with it.
Therapist: And you dislike it?
Charlie: Oh, no. I love it. I love the dark. I love slippery things. I love being naked... in the sewer. Bleach smells good, it tastes good...
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Therapist: (to Dennis) That door is supposed to be locked.
Dennis: Yeah, I know. I taped the knob 'cuz I knew I'd be poppin' in and out.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Therapist: So, you prefer to be scary?
Mac: Yeah! I was big as a skyscraper now I'm as tiny as a postage stamp. (sees pen on table, picks it up) Oh. I get it. Cute. You leave this pen here and people are supposed think, 'That looks like a d**k.' (stares at it for long time)
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mac: I gained and lost 60 pounds in 3 months.
Therapist: That's almost impossible.
Mac: Well, through God all things are possible, so jot that down.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dennis: I have a background in academic psych from an Ivy League School. Not from... La Salle.
Frank: Sounds like a pasta dish.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 8 Episode 3: "The Maureen Ponderosa Wedding Massacre"

Dennis: Oh! Shit! Maureen!... That was terrible. Who did those tits!? The nipple placement is crazy.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Bill Ponderosa: Dee's Nuts! What's the haps? Take a sip (offers glass of milk) straight from the cow's titty!
Dee: No, I gotta get outta here. Everyone's going crazy.
Bill Ponderosa: No, no. The party's just startin'. You gotta have some. Come on, try it. It'll loosen you up a bit. Make your butthole hot!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Frank: (to Liam) I understand the McPoyle bloodline is very strong.
Liam: Legions of us, thousands sturdy, once ruled this fine land. Our bloodline was as pure as the driven snow.
Dee: Then what happened?
Liam: Syphilis killed about half of us.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dennis: (upon seeing Maureen's 'enhacements') Why, Maureen, you've enhanced yourself.
Maureen: Well, yeah, I got my tooth fixed.
Dennis: I'm talking about your tits! Your giant, new titties, Maureen!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Frank: (*after a bat bites him*) I just got tagged by a bat! I got tagged! Suck out the poison, Dee! I'll give you $200 if you suck it out.
(*Dee sucks on Frank's head*)
Frank: Suck it harder!
Mac: Did you swallow it?!
Dee: Yeah, I swallowed it.
Mac: Make yourself throw up!
Charlie: You swallowed the poison!
Dennis: Bats don't have poison!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dennis: Wait, Liam - you're marrying Maureen?
Liam: Oh yeah, big time. Don't be jelly.
Dennis: Why are you doing this? What's your angle?
Liam: Oldest angle in the book, my friend... (*grunts*) Llllove.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 8 Episode 2: "The Gang Recycles Their Trash"

Frank: Some cocks can't be unsucked.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Frank: We take you to a titty bar and you say no to us. We bring you
to this place with all these juicy dongs and you shut us down. What
team are you playing for?
Dee: Hold on a second, Frank. I think I know what's going on here.
This man has been realigned. He's a 'yestergay'.
Frank: What's a 'yestergay'?
Dee: A lot of gay men bounce around from label to label never finding
their proper gay home. My hunch is that this gentleman has gone from a
twink to a twunk to a twank.
Frank: What's a twunk?
Dee: Twink and a hunk. A Twink with muscles but still hairless.
Frank: So smooth.
Dee: Oh, incredibly smooth. A twank on the other hand, that's no good.
That's a twink and a skank. Essentially a rag doll that's been tossed
around from twink to twunk to bear to otter.
Frank: Wait, wait, wait a minute. What's an otter?
Dee; Subsection of bear. Still hairy but whereas a bear generates his
power through sheer mass alone, the otter generates his power through
extraordinary quickness, cunning, and skill.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dennis: Mac, you have an exceptional number of bugs in your teeth. You're gonna want to rinse those out. It's disgusting.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mac: Let's pull up our bootstraps, oil up a couple asses, and do a little plowing of our own. POW! (gestures a fist punch up an invisible ass)... Not gay sex.
 • Rating: 4.4 / 5.0

Charlie: Politics is all one big ass blast.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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