It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Quotes

Charlie: Here's a confession: I'm in love with a man. What? I'm in love with a man... a man named God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? You betcha.

Frank: Hey gang, what's the action?
Dennis: What's going on here?
Frank: Asians love gambling!
Sweet Dee: You know these guys?
Frank: Yeah, from Nam.
Mac: You were in Vietnam?
Dennis: Don't get excited Mac, he was in Vietnam ten years ago on a business trip.

Dennis: All right. These are for you. There's a steel toe in there. Don't be afraid to use it.
Flip Flop Kid: Thanks, Dad.
Dennis: I'm not your Dad.

Mac: All right, kids, how you feeling?
Ducks' Team: Good.
Mac: Good? Doesn't sound good. Are you drinking the Red Bull? Come on, chug 'em down!
Ducks' Player: I feel sick.
Mac: That's the vitamins ripping out the inside of your stomach. That's a good thing, trust me.

Waitress: I wrote down my phone number.
Charlie: Wow!
Waitress: Please... please, Charlie, please don't make me regret giving this to you.
(The waitress hands a folded piece of paper to Charlie)
Charlie: No absolu... absolutely not. No, this will be a platonic sponsor, sponsoree kind of a thing. (He unfolds the piece of paper) Oh... no shi... I was so close.

Now as long as you hurt the other kid as bad or worse than he hurts you, you will have done your job. And I'll be proud of you.

Dennis

Dee: You know these guys?
Frank: Ya, from 'Nam.
Mac: You were in Vietnam?
Dennis: Don't get excited Mac, he was in Vietnam 10 years ago on business trip.
Frank: Beautiful country.

Charlie: What's that made out of?
Dennis: It's a board, so it's, you know, made out of wood.
Mac: It's like particleboard.
Charlie: That's like harder than wood, dude.
Mac: It's actually softer than wood.

Frank: All right, here's what you're going to do. You're going to take all the weight on your neck. Then you're going to jam your legs down and hyper-extend your ankles, and then shoot back up and lock your knees in place.
Dee: Not one of those things sounds right to me. At all.

Are you happy now?! I just punched a hole in my wall!

Dee

Frank: You're not ready for this fight, you're not...
Dee: Oh, I have an idea, dad! Why don't you shut your fat little monkey face, and hold the bag?!

Brianna: You look like a Holocaust victim in pageant makeup.
Sweet Dee: I will eat your babies, bitch!
Frank: Nobody's eating anybody's babies.
Sweet Dee: Come on, let me eat her babies.

It's Always Sunny Quotes

Charlie: I'll totally pull a Good Will Hunting on those kids and that'll put them in their place.
Mac: How you gonna do that?
Charlie: Well, you've seen the movie right?
Mac: Yeah.
Charlie: So all I gotta do is, I'll ask them some big shot, like math or science, history-type college question aand that will totally stump them by knowing a lot more about the answer than they do.
Mac: In that movie, Matt Damon played a genius janitor, you're just a janitor.
Charlie: Right, you stumped me with that one.

Mac: He doesn't have any poison.
Charlie: I don't have any on me, but I do keep some in my fridge at home in the relish jar.
Frank: There's poison in that jar? I thought I was allergic to pickles. What's in the jar with the skull and crossbones?
Charlie: Well that's mayonnaise. It's a decoy.
Frank: And the mayo?
Charlie: That's shampoo.
Frank: You're telling I've been putting shampoo on my sandwiches?
Charlie: If you've been using the mayonnaise, then yeah, probably.

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