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Dee: I don't know how you guys live with yourselves.
Charlie: One day at a time.
Mac: One day at a time.
Dennis: One day at a time.

Dee: Mac, you are so pathetic.
Mac: Yes, and your eyebrows are drawn on.

Dee: I never statutory raped anyone before.
Trey: Oh...okay, I'll tell you what: let's just take it slow.
Dee: You are so sweet...where were you when I was in high school?
Trey: I was eight.
Dee: Right...Yeah...

Dee: Can we please get out of here, let's go.
Mac: Why?
Dee: Trey asked me to prom last night. This is getting really weird.
Charlie: That girl Sarah asked me too.
Dee: You're kidding?
Mac: What, no we can't go to the prom, that's pathetic.
Charlie: What do you mean we, who asked you?
Mac: Let's just go. Let's just go.

Dee: I went out with tons of guys in high school.
Dennis: You wore that scoliosis back brace until you were twenty years old. Everyone was afraid of you.
Dee: No, they weren't.
Dennis: You looked like a monster!

Dee: Are you actually gonn throw away all you convictions for a chance to get laid?
Dennis: I don't really have any convictions.

Megan: What's this?
Mac: That's a list of the doctors I'm going to kill.
Megan: There's two already crossed out.
Mac: Yeah, I know.

So, you're not allowed to use birth control, but abortions are no problem?

Dee

Dee: Did you use birth control?
Mac: Whoa, Dee. We went to Catholic school, so...
Dee: Okay, so, you're allowed to have premarital sex, but you're not allowed to use birth control?

I will smash your face into, into a jelly!

Charlie

Dennis: I think all these chicks are gay.
Dee: Yeah, I don't know that they're gay; I think they can just smell how disgusting you are.

Dennis: So do you come to these kind of things often, or?
Pro-Choice Woman: Are you hitting on me at an abortion rally?

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 49 in total

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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 1 Quotes

(After Charlie throws away a girl's number)
Mac: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing, dude?
Charlie: What?
Mac: What are you doing?
Charlie: Ah.
Mac: That girl is gorgeous. She's like the perfect opportunity to show that we are not racist. She probably has friends for me.
Charlie: Well, come on. If anything, I think we should be focused on black men, first of all.
Mac: What?!

I hate listening to people's dreams. It's like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I'm not in any of them and nobody's having sex, I just don't care.

Dennis
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