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Charlie: Ah, I mean I wish I could go back in time and do the right thing, you know?
Dee: Like be there for her?
Charlie: No get her an abortion.

Charlie: Come stand next to me, then.
Dee: Why?
Charlie: So she doesn't think I'm creepy.
Dee: Well, you are creepy.
Charlie: I realize this. That's why I need you.

Tommy: You have to buy me a toy.
Charlie: I don't have to buy you shit.
Tommy: If you don't buy me anything, I'm going to tell my mom you took me to a black people's house.
Dee: Okay.
Charlie: Wow! Oh, my God! That's racist. What do you, what do you say to that?
Tommy: You still have to buy me a toy!

You know, Den, I was thinking about what you were saying the other day about the t-shirts with the stupid slogans on them, and I was wondering what you think about this! (reveals a shirt that says "Death to baby killers") Huh, bitch? Yeah, is that stupid enough for ya?

Mac

We weren't expecting you to be black, that's all...

Mac

Oh, and hookups are good. But just to be clear... when you say your "sista," do you mean your sister or your friend?

Mac

Also, first thing we gotta do is get rid of these shamrocks. 'Cause nothing scares Gays and Black folks like Irish crap, you know whadda I mean?

Terrell

Sweet Dee: How could you not tell me you were gay?
Terrell: I'm a musical theater actor!

(After Charlie is caught saying the N word by the Waitress)
Waitress: Wow, nice.
Charlie: No, no. That's not what I was saying.
Waitress: Coffee? Hitler?
Charlie: No, I'm not, not Adolf Hitler.
Waitress: I'll make sure to put a lot of cream in yours.

Mac: Why do these people like you guys so much?
Charlie: Well dude, it's not that they like us, they don't like you! You know why? Uhhh, because you're an asshole!

Dennis: Our mortgage is due in two weeks.
Mac: No, we paid that, like, a week ago.
Dennis: No. A week ago was three weeks late.

(After Charlie throws away a girl's number)
Mac: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing, dude?
Charlie: What?
Mac: What are you doing?
Charlie: Ah.
Mac: That girl is gorgeous. She's like the perfect opportunity to show that we are not racist. She probably has friends for me.
Charlie: Well, come on. If anything, I think we should be focused on black men, first of all.
Mac: What?!

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 49 in total

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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 1 Quotes

(After Charlie throws away a girl's number)
Mac: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing, dude?
Charlie: What?
Mac: What are you doing?
Charlie: Ah.
Mac: That girl is gorgeous. She's like the perfect opportunity to show that we are not racist. She probably has friends for me.
Charlie: Well, come on. If anything, I think we should be focused on black men, first of all.
Mac: What?!

I hate listening to people's dreams. It's like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I'm not in any of them and nobody's having sex, I just don't care.

Dennis
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